He is employed and his parents are pretty well off and are subsidizing him heavily (even though he won't talk with them about what is going on in his life - they only know what I've told them, which is the truth). Somehow I can't imagine him hitting rock bottom, even though he has also dropped all of his old friends. He has only discussed his situation with others with drinking issues and bad marriages, womanizing ski bums (I live in a ski resort), and of course the beer waitress.
He is genetically 100% Irish and grew up in the UK, so (being Irish myself, having lots of alcoholic relatives, and having worked with Brits for years) his drinking was excessive at times by US standards, BUT in the past, if I expressed concern, he always would pull back, switch to mineral water, and then drink less for months at a pop. He was often triggered to excess drinking by his companions - his fellow Brits and Irish friends could get him to drink too much as could the German and French mechanics he works with - but when he was with me or our usual group of friends, he would avoid drinking too much.
He even said on several occasions during our marriage that I helped keep him from running into drinking issues and he's glad he had me in his life as his reality check.
Now, of course, I am thinking over what's been going on and don't know what to think. I know that different countries have different definitions of alcoholism, so though I can't say he's an alcoholic, I can definitely say he was scaring me that he was on the road to becoming one.
Do you think there's any hope? And would you go COMPLETELY dark on him? I want him to know I'm here if he wants to talk -- I THINK! I should probably go and see about online Alanon - there is nothing here in this small town to help with thinking through the alcohol aspect... But that said, until this winter, he was SUCH a good, sweet, kind, loving, affectionate husband. My head says, "Look at how he treated you the last 12 weeks!" but my heart says, "Look at how he treated you the last 12 YEARS." He used to be SUCH a good husband.
I wonder if his best friend's theory - that I stepped on the perfect landmine by linking my concern with his drinking and my concern with his completing his MBA thesis - somehow brought him back to the failure he had in college and somehow caused a crisis in him, maybe a midlife crisis. (He's lost 60 lbs, started marathoning, is freaked about losing his hair, now he's left me for Bimbo...)
Would love to hear more about what you think...
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
