Husband moved in w OW 2 weeks ago - what now?

[MarieC]

Thanks for writing, Lotus. I have a lot of experience with alcoholics (and Alanon) - am Irish and pretty much grew up in a pub. I was worried he was becoming a problem drinker and on his way to risking full-blown alcoholism, which is part of why I talked with him. He had had several blackouts, drank to excess almost every day, only had a few more weeks to finish his thesis, and I missed him - I never got to see him sober this winter - until he moved out. Now when I see him he's always sober, though I ran into him today and he looks awful - pasty, swollen face, dark circles (but Bimbo sure can iron!! Looks like he got a valet as well as a beer waitress in that one!)

I know there's a point when it's too late for someone with drinking problems but I didn't think he was there - until he made it clear he was choosing the drink over me. He is so nice to live with, so kind and considerate and affectionate, that Bimbo would be an idiot to let him go (uneducated doesn't mean an idiot - I only got my education through hard work and scholarships) but you have to wonder about how much he would have in common with a woman so unmotivatedthat she didn't even bother to finish high school - and too lazy/dumb to learn to speak English after being a beer waitress for years in a tourist town catering most to Americans and Brits!

So... I'm hoping he just got into this in a beer haze and didn't know how to get out of it, but I also wonder if he's crossed the border to full-blown alcoholic. Bimbo doesn't care how much he drinks, whether he finishes the degree he worked so hard on for so long, whether he is hurting his health with all the drinking... Heck, she might not even consider the last two issues!

I am not ready to give up hope, though. On the one hand, I know he has at least an alcohol problem and that he lied to me and cheated on me over the last 12 weeks. The problem is that he was a kind and good boyfriend and then husband for the last 12 YEARS...

I don't know what - if anything - I can do.