What are your thoughts on OW being a 'crutch" or "bandaid" in these situations (h has no money and no where to live as he has been banned by the judge from the family home).
Yes, she is probably a bandaid and a crutch.
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Does length of time matter?
No. But do you really know what is going on with him and OW? When he is lashing out at you he may also be lashing out at her too. Just a thought.
