Cause for alarm?

[Allen A]

Oh Dear... you really need to get control of yourself OIN...

If you can't collect intel with a level head, don't do it.

If OM made a commitment to not talk to your wife and he's talking to her anyways you may want to contact OMW just to check in... Just ask her how marriage is doing, offer some sincere interest and concern... find out of there's anything going on that end...

If you really have the instinct here that something may be escalating again... You could even tell OMW that your wife is doing research and that OMW would benefit from posting something on facebook for HER marriage indicating its stronger hoping this might drive your wife away... she may be hoping that marriage there is failing, I dunno..

Tread carefully, control yourself...

[OfficerInNeed]

If my W questions about the deleted messages do I come out and tell her "yes" and why or?

I was thinking of saying if she brought it up and I came clean...."I did, those messages reflect a time when I was not thinking clearly and had a horrible outlook on marriage and life in general."

Her holding those messages would be the same if I held on to messages when she told me ILY during a time when she was happy...would not be right or fair for me to throw those in her face and I don't think it is for her to do the same with messages that no longer hold meaning (never did).

I think a phone call may be in order. As you said, just to see how things are going on that end and maybe fill her in on what my W has been doing...

[OfficerInNeed]

One more thing...if my W is "Daydreaming" how do I break her out of it? Do I ride it out?

[Allen A]

You can't police her thoughts... THAT is a line you leave alone

Your aim is to motivate and influence, not break or control her... Your goal is to give her a REASON to act in the way you think is healthiest for you two...

How is the family therapist hunt going?

I would own them if she confronts you.. I am a bit confused as to who's mail is where and what's going on...

I am missing some of the details... so its hard to confirm what exactly you deleted from where and who owned it

[OfficerInNeed]

My W has 2 phones. One in her name, her own service. One in my name, that she has had for years now. Both phones are still active.

The phone that is in my name, service I pay for, is a black berry. So whenever she is sent an email it is also download onto her black berry.

Today I picked up the blackberry and looked at the saved messages. I seen the aforementioned messages and deleted them. I deleted them from her phone, that I paid for on a service that I pay for. I did it for the above reason. If she confronts me and I own up to doing it, it what I typed acceptable response?

Also, I just spoke with my friend a short while ago. He said that the conversations between the two have been mutual. He would at times go up to her and engage in conversation. As I have been told all along, not like it was but communication has NOT stopped between the two.

I will be calling OMW tomorrow and let her know whats going on.

I seen a FT once, on the day of my 2nd appt the FT canceled on me. I have not gone back because I don't have the funds to do so. I don't even know if the FT I was going to was "the one"

Giving this current situation, how should it be handled? Do I confront W on the talk or just tell OMW and let her confront OM ( he will B.S. his way out of it anyway)

I thought I had combated this 'thing' between them and unfortunately it is starting back up.

[Allen A]

The problem with the EA your wife was/is having is that they work together... the common wisdom on the subject... almost universally claims that ALL CONTACT must be cut off... COMPLETELY... for the affair to end... These two work together... They don't HAVE to do talk though, OM is CHOOSING to go up to talk to her...

I would let the OMW know and find out how she wants to play this... I think this can be handled without you even having to interact with your wife...

The mail is another thing... I really don't know why she has two phones in the first place... if you dont' need it and she isnt' using it you could just clear all the content and tell her you are cancelling the service since she has her own phone... why two damn phones?

[OfficerInNeed]

I will call OMW. I really don't want to interact with W on this matter just yet because it can only go bad for us. Having OMW address this with OM and go from there.

W got her own line because when our sitch first began I took her phone and would not give it back because I refused to let her call OM with it. So W went out and got her own service. Initially W needed time to switch over all contacts ect. Now the issue is if I cancel the line I have to pay $175 for doing before end of contract date. She uses it, mainly to communicate with me.

[OfficerInNeed]

I went back and checked logs again...W actually typed the following

"I want Rob" into google. Then backspaced to just the letter 'R' then backspaced the entire query. The did everything posted in previous post.

Not that this makes any bit of difference, but I believe my W is attracted to his personality. I seen the guy and he is not a 'looker' even his W says she was not attracted to him physically but more toward his personality.

This guy is a bullshi**er, and my W cannot see it.

[Lotus]

chances are good that she won't look for old messages. if she confronts you on it, the answer above is good. It is the truth. Hard to beat. As for OMW, I won't give advice. But keep in mind what the others noted before, your wife probably feels like a prisoner. You could be bringing everything to a head here and forcing her to take some action that you won't like.

[OfficerInNeed]

These were SAVED old messages, and it appeared she looked at then quite often, probably showing them off to people at work including him.

I called OMW this morning because we agreed that if either one of us heard anything we would call, so I did.

I ask OMW how the marriage and going and she said GREAT. She tol me about all this acts of service OM has been doing for her and gift he had bought her. For her B-Day he got her a card and highlighted many words in it and then wrote to her "I love you so much thank you for putting up me and sticking by me" something along those lines.

OMW was just is shock to hear they are talking again. She does not want him to talk to her at all. I told her about the google searches. OMW said that OM is feeding W BS because many of these things he is telling my W are not true such as, he was never on COPS and was never a dog control officer but this is what he is telling people particularly my W.

OMW has brother who works at airport, he was monitoring situation as well. OMW is going to bring up the talking to OM as if she heard it from her brother.

I told OMW, OM has to admit to talking to her because my W won't admit to talking to him. If she feels the need call me and assume my W will be on there other end as well if you want to get a point across. Either way OMW told me to call her on Monday for an update.

OMW has the right to defend her M too. So if she confronts her H about the situation, I hope my W feels mo pressure coming from my direction to make her feel trapped or like a prisoner, because technically its not me its OMW.

According to OMW marriage had been GREAT. OM cant keep hands off OMW, he is cleaning house, telling her how much he loves her ect...but then goes to work and engages with my W, breaking a commitment he made to his W.