Bren.. I mentioned this on Ken's thread, but I will say it here...
There are three courses of action your H can take
a. Pursue Open marriage - lie and cheat and keep sneaking out to meet OW b. Separate from you/Move out - pursue OW and end his marriage essentially c. End the affair and reconcile - done with full transparency plan and the assistance of a GOOD family therapist
He is going to keep chasing a. as long as its an option for him...
YOU push him towards BOTH b and c... they aren't a contradiction for YOU to push him to both...
You are basically telling him that
1. You will NOT allow yourself to be lied to 2. A NON-lying him is welcome to return at any time
So you push him and push him until he makes a choice of b or c...
The main thing is to NOT allow a. to be an option anymore... THAT is up to you how long YOU allow him to do that...
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My other point I want to make is about what he says...
So many people on this forum are acting and reacting emotionally and pratically to what is SAID by their WS
MWD makes it QUITE CLEAR to IGNORE what he's saying..its NOT any use to you.
You need to get to a point where your WS just sounds like one of those parents from Charlie Brown... all you hear is blabber that you can ignore...
Never MIND his crying and all that crap... He's crying becuase you are PUSHING him OUT of option a...
He doens't like that.. he doens't like b OR c... he wants a...
He is going to cry, yell, pout, stomp, and SCREAM to keep choice a. for as long as you tolerate it...
YOU need to CUT OFF a. as a choice and push him towards choosing one of the undesirables...
YOU keep all along telling him you want to save the marriage, but at the same time you PUSH him to separate from you by you detaching, packing, etc...
get A out of the option list and he will very likley end the affair, but not until...
PUSH him towards B AND C at the same time... he will have to pick one... he wont like it, but it will get change happening for you...
