I've started several threads because I didn't really get the process on here so a BIG apology to folks who have responded to my other threads. Thank you so much for everything. I'm picking this one back up because it was my first and has my original story. here is the latest... Four months into this now and nothing has changed. We're still in separate bedrooms. He calls/texts the OW everyday. Spends time with her regularly. Last overnight trip was April 28th. We're talking to a DB coach every other week but still, no change. He's all talk and no action. He continues to lie to me and worse, our DB coach. Last week I said to him "I refuse to live in an open marriage. I don't want to share my husband's affections with another. I don't want to be married to someone who lies to me. Since you are unable to end your relationship with the OW, I'm going to start making a plan for myself." he started crying and begged me not to leave him. After that, I had a pretty strong physical reaction. Sick to my stomach. I've made an appointment for a consultation with a lawyer. I'd like to know my options. I'm meeting with our pastor tomorrow (having trouble with the "for better for worse" part of the vows), and I'm collecting boxes. I'm mad that I'm here. I'm resentful that he finds it easier to hurt me than to hurt her. He keeps telling me that he loves me and this woman means nothing to him. The longer this goes on, the less and less I want to save my marriage. I keep asking for someone to tell me how long I have to wait for him to stop cheating on me. Everyone keeps telling me that it's up to me. I hate that. I know it's true, but I still hate it. If I leave now, will I look back at my life and wonder "what if I just gave it a little more time?" Would things be different? Does anyone out there know what the average "wait time" is after an affair is discovered? Does anyone know the success rate for DB a marriage when he won't give up the OW? Pain beats regret everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
