Ken, its good to see you have been ready Penny Tuppy's Protection Phase book as well. Do you have an intermediary who has volunteered to handle communications between you and your wife?
That's an important step here, that and the family therapist...
You really want to be ready to get her into therapy when she finally agrees to go... don't wait til she agrees to go to start looking for one.. it can take many months to find a good one.. start looking now...
You haven't mentioned an intermediary so I am curious whom you are asking to handle that for you?