He needs time to process the affair.. he's being self-indulgent in his own pain ....
You didn't destroy the marriage, you did a lot of damage, but resistance to rebuild is what destroys a marriage.. not the affair..
A house doens't get destroyed when a tree lands on the roof, the house gets destroyed when everyone walks away instead of doing the necessary work to repair the damaged home... He's fooling himself and blaming you...
My darkest day during my wife's affair was the realization that if she had not been tempted and I was instead, I may have make the same mistake... I was equally vulnerable... Once I got to that point I knew I had no reason to blame her when it was just her bad luck that she ran into a creep to exploit her before I did... It could have gone etiher way.
YOUR situation sounds similar... if you hadn't cheated, he may have done it anyways... He's clearly not matured yet...
My advice is to move on, but don't file papers... keep the message going that you are willing to repair the marriage, but don't press him on the matter directly yourself...
You CAN live a life outside of him until he decides to grow up.. If you want. You can take classes, work, enjoy a full life outside of his presence... I would give that a try for a while... He is going to be resistant because he's wanting to avoid the pain... If you've read Hold Me Tight you know what he's doing... I think Johnson covers to some degree how to approach someone in that amount of pain... I would have to crack teh text open again to brush up...
