Hi! I didnt mean to imply H had some sort of official Personality Disorder.. more than his selfishness and throwing off of responsibility was probably just a part of his personality & that it was exhibiting itself very dramatically today. The psych was trying to help me understand his behaviour. NM, no, she's not a specialist in inifidelity but works in the mother/baby unit at the hospital - they're there for women in precarious situations who are having or had a baby.
But I took what she said on board, and added the A to that myself.
I have always thought Hs behaviour stems from two problems: fear of fatherood/responsibility (husband+father = cannot be happy) and the A. The A just compounds the first problem and gives him the escape (husband+father=can't be happy, so have an A so he can say "I'm a Good Guy, Not Like My Runaway Dad, I'm Just In Love with Someone Else".) Does that make sense?
I think the two appointments back to back was not great, because by the time of the blood test I had been there around 2.5hrs and was getting tired.
I do think in some ways H is doing his best because at the moment I see him as totally limited. I also know that telling him he is useless just makes him more useless. He really feels inadequate, I think. Problem is he is also stubborn. Trying to figure out how to be non-threatening so he has the confidence/space to do better.
Coddling, I know, but I think left to his own devices he will keep running.
Surprisingly I wasn't too upset last night that it was his 40th. I felt sorry for him, and not for me.
Last but not least (!) the baby is heading into a head first but back to back position, which makes it hard to come out. They are not 100% sure, though...
