I know the feeling. This is probably the result of the realization that this is really happening to you. Embrace this feeling - it will help with the detachment. Just remember that it is a feeling dear and feeling have a tendancy to change.
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almost to a point where i'm not sure anymore i want to be with H.
This my dear may be fustration. Fustrated that you cannot change things...fustrated that he does not see your changes..fustrated that he can't see what he has in you.
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i've been thinking more about our sitch and previous history and i think my H is a runner.
He may be a runner - IDK BUT just like he can run from you remember that he can run TO YOU! If you keep the focus on YOU and you really try and become that person that you yourself would never leave then you never know what could happen.
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not sure i would want to stay with someone like that long term
Interesting reflection....cause you may be right about....
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so maybe there is hidden blessing in this
what could this blessing be? Could it be a new YOU? Could it be a new M? What could the blessing be? Have you consider that maybe you can control what that blessing is.
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had to backslide a few times to get it knocked into my head.
We all backslide and make mistakes. Almost everyone on these boards has done EXACTLY what others have said not to do. Knowing this cut yourself a little slack. This stuff is really hard. Not many people have the fortitude to deal with this - you though DO!
Keep reflecting...keep examining YOU...keep searching...YOU will find what you need inside of you. It may be painful right now - it may be very difficult - Have you ever seen a diamond that comes directly from a mine? It is pretty nasty looking. Dark, dull, pretty much looks like shirt. The interesting thing about diamonds is that after you cut, buff, and work on for a while you end up with a wonderful looking stone. Consider yourself a diamond dear. Consider that right now you are cutting and shaping the diamond. Will it be round, square, will it a marquise - what shape will the diamond be after all of the WORK that YOU but into it? You Pandora control this. You are the diamond cutter.
Keep your head up..
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
