OMG Al! I have to see this. K, can you take pics of it and post them in the alt? I love Ali's creativity and I don't think she showcases it enough....hint hint!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
OK today I had another blow up. But this time, I kept it under control. Googling her name I found out she did a series of interviews about sport related mrtkng for a marketing net magazine.It's funny because the only she knew about that was what she learnt from H and during her R with him. One of the interviews was with one of H's colleagues. So I assumed H knew about it and wouldnt surprise me if she had asked for his help. He insisted he had no idea and has had NC with her for months.
I started talking. I kept it under control. Tried not to accuse much and asked a few questions.
What I got was :the only reason he still uses "trying" whicxh bothers me is because he feels I am trying while he is 1000% confident that he wants me. I stressed how importat it is to me to feel that he committed and by choice he considers me his life partner. He said that goes iwthout saying in his mind.
He said what happened wont ever happen again and has no problem promising that to me. I told him we need to focus on HOW to make sure it wont happen again. I dont want promises.
I told him for the first time so clear, my self esteem in relation to him suffers and it has to do with sex, being his second choice, abandoned, compared with, lied to with no scruples etc etc. He said I am his no 1 choice and he knows why I feel this way, but it aint the truth.
I told him the only reason we are "here" now is because I"didnt give up", because I didnt give up on "our dream". I would like to hear at some point his thoughts on everything. He said he knows and that means a lot to him.
I told him it feels wrong to only know things from her, her emails. I need his perspective. He was silent.
We agreed we are throwing away her gifts this weekend.
He said he has noticed that I get like this every 10 days.
I admitted him leaving for 45 days makes me nervous.
He said, he told the girl that emailed him teh other day late at night, that similar emails/contact are not proper. That was in reply to my question if he is aware we both need to set boundaries to people outside our M.
It sounds like you really got a chance to explain to H how you feel, which is good. He once again said he is committed to you which is great. Now some actions like throwing away the gifts.
THings sound like they are going well.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
That sounds like a productive conversation. It is great that he stressed his commitment and tried to reassure you. Also great that he agrees you two need to get rid of her gifts!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Wow. Well done. Wow, thats so sweet that he said he is "1000% committed". See, you can get the reassurances like bf was giving me last night!
Judging by my week alone (tough), I think him being gone for over a month may bring up some feelings in you too!! Maybe ask him to contact you more than he would 'normally', if you need extra reassurance?
I believe him that he has no contact with her, I really felt all along he is DONE.
Great that he is throwing away the gifts (where are they, back in his Dads apartment??).
I really dont buy this "2nd prize" stuff, you never were, it just seems that way. These woman are not the love of their lives. If she was, he would be with her now. She was a symtom of some greater malaise in him that he or you havent really got to the bottom of. Or maybe its just a man thing, a rite of passage, who knows. BUT, I like that he said you are "his no 1 choice". Wonderful.
I tried calling you tonight, I'm glad I didnt get you seeing as you were busy having such a good convo. Love ya, al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Did you get it to stand up ???