I'm really spending some mental energy groking on this today. (I should be working...)

Yeah guys, I'm with you, but kind of on a different track -

I've kind of wondered in the past, why in the hell would anyone hvae encouraged XW to proceed with divorce? I have at times been frustrated at that. So anyway, and again, pulling this together in my head -

- Well of course, this is how XW sounded to other people. This is how she described ME to other people. Even her mom, who loved me, encouraged her. There is really only one person that was close enough to the situation that was able to see through her.
- I do think there is some element of self-justification here
- I KNOW that hearing this it isn't the whole story. Someone tells me their spouse is a s#!t, yeah it's easy to pick and choose the bad moments. Yeah I said some crappy things too.
- But these are legitimate feelings. The "I'm not happy, don't I deserve to be happy?" question - well the answer is YES. It doesn't mean the action is to leave, that's not what I'm saying. But all this time I've been angry at XW for giving up, and not honoring her commitment, and all that. And she says I don't get it. Yeah, I've understood what she's said, I've even cried about the hurt and lonliness she's felt, because I do love her and I do want her to be happy. But when someone else says that and you're not invested in being the WAS - it hits home differently.

I don't know where these thoughts are going. Yeah, I'm in danger of becoming a little jaded.

Guys, yes, I believe in marriage too. But something is wrong. For that matter, look at the statistics, sure, this is old news.

WE ARE NOT GOOD AT IT.

I'm just doing stream of conciousness at the moment here guys -
Everything that's important in our lives we invest in, right?
You get an education for a career - you take steps to be good at it. You take training. Whatever.

I don't know. Is it enough to say I love you, so you better stick around? You made a promise so, I'm holding you to it?

Do WASs just damn selfish or do they have legitimate complaints? Just confused? Have they tried so hard that they're at wit's end? Or are they quitters? See, my XW would say the first. I would say the second. There aren't answers here.

So the upshot - instead of becoming jaded - I want to be come BETTER AT THIS.

And yeah, be able to read the warning labels too. smile

OK not sure this made any coherent sense, but I need to go now.