The Unthinkable Just Happened.

[SunFunOne]

Thanks Wii,

I feel so very sad. So lost. So helpless to my friend. But I'll keep trying to help her.

Barb

[SunFunOne]

I need some advice. I need to know what to say to my friend. On top of all the horrible stuff she is dealing with, something else just happened. While she tried to do the right thing, portray her ex as wonderful guy - she was going through papers from his work today and found stacks and stacks of love letters from another girlfriend. From 2004. Before the recent OW he was living with. She even found lists of him trying to decide whether to stay with her (then - 6 years ago) or stay. Or to wait till the girls were grown and leave then.

So she now knows that her whole marriage was a sham. And she is sick. And as she is off to buy a plot right now she wants to go for a single, not a double. She wants to flush his ashes down the toilet.

I think I'm going to phone her and ask her to postpone her decision on the plot. To wait. To give it more time.

I need some help. I offered to take her for dinner tonight or to just go be with her. But some help here would be great. This is just So hard.

Barb

[figgeroni]

buy the single plot for her husband...she can chose to be buried somewhere else for sure

or

let her take a pinch of his ashes and flush them

he is dead and gone...however she can deal with it, I say, let her go for it

[kat727]

Burn all the letters and add those ashes to his. Be done with him, she already took the high road when she put on the front that he was a good guy. She doesn't owe him anything else.

kat

[JAK58]

If she can not deal with having the ashes, given the circumstances don't think I would want anything to do with them right now. Maybe she should just give them to his Mother. That way she doesn't carry any more guilt than she already had.(before she found the letters, don't know about now)
At least this way she can still feel like she will be taking the high road. No plot to mull over and purchase either.

I just hope she doesn't make a rash decision she will regret later.

Just a thought.
I feel for you, your family, and your friend.

JAK

[SunFunOne]

Thank you all. She just called me and talked for a long time till the funeral home called. His family wants the burial of the ashes now. She's decided to get the double plot so she doesn't upset her daughters. They're currently beside themselves with grief. Unfortunately, daddy is on a pedestal and can do no wrong in their eyes. She told me she does want to flush his ashes down the toilet or throw them off the Skyway bridge where he jumped - and I SO get this.

I told her I'm coming after she goes to the cemetary today and will take her out for dinner. She needs to get out of the house and just do something "normal". Then we're going to bring all those cards and letters here where I have a campfire pit and do some burning. I still have a couple of things to add to that fire too.

Her oldest daughter is driving her nuts. Demanding and self centered. She shows no care for anyone else's feelings (my friend or the younger daughter). Can't sleep alone. Wants her boyfriend (20 years her senior) to stay with them. He is eating them out of house and home and contributes NOTHING. ON the day of the suicide he just showed up, did not hug her daughter or even say a word. When the house was full and they needed food she asked him to get pizza. He ordered $90 worth then asked her for her purse (she had to pay for it).

If something doesn't change quick - someone else might die at this rate.

Thanks for listening to my vent.

Barb