Thanks for the support... And thanks for the screen name compliment I just chose it on a whim!
I feel a lot better the past few days. Kinda like a weight has been lifted off me.
For the first time I'm actually finding myself questioning whether or not I would even WANT to work things out anymore. There have been a lot of bridges burned at this point, and I have to say starting over with someone new without the baggage sounds pretty appealing.
I guess I have some soul searching of my own to do now.
Thanks for the support... And thanks for the screen name compliment I just chose it on a whim!
I feel a lot better the past few days. Kinda like a weight has been lifted off me.
For the first time I'm actually finding myself questioning whether or not I would even WANT to work things out anymore. There have been a lot of bridges burned at this point, and I have to say starting over with someone new without the baggage sounds pretty appealing.
I guess I have some soul searching of my own to do now.
*devils advocate*
yes that is easier. It always is. But everyone has "baggage."
Say you get involved in another R or M right? The problems will come. NO M is perfect. Do you give up when that one gets tough>
You're starting to think like a WAS
When the tough get going the tough fight on!!
whatever decision you make you have my support. Hang in there dude
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Welp... Its been a little over a week since I decided to just kinda silently go into the night. I've stopped contacting her alltogether even though we still have the camping trip this weekend with friends.
She still reaches out to me. She starts chats with me on IM when I'm at work, and emails me occasionally.
She did start a a R talk the other day because she was mad at me for seeming "distant" when we had dinner on her birthday. She also told me that she just assumed I was out with a "lady friend" during the day and I should have just stayed with her.
I say nothing to any of this, really, I just told her I was actually out with a group of people that day. That just made her more mad and I got some snarky comments about how she hopes I'm happy with all my awesome new friends.
Then the usual happened.
She told me that she thought I was a "fake" person. She is very, very angry with me for making the changes now that she wanted me to make then, and she said she feels like our entire marriage was "a scam".
She told me she feels worthless, and the fact that I seem to be doing so well makes her feel like a piece of sh1t.
Script? Right?
I did not respond to any of this outside of telling her that I understood why she felt that, but the changes I made were for me, to make myself happy, and it didn't really matter if she believed them or not.
So yeah. A girl that's been very obviously trying to get me to ask her out at work finally got through, and her and I are going out next Friday. Dinner and a movie, no big deal.
And, of course there is the camping trip this weekend. My wife and I are sleeping in the same tent, so that should be nice and awkward.
As a side, I originally planned to bring my own tent, and when I told my wife I wanted to sleep in my own tent she was INSTANTLY defensive and mean, and threatened to not even go, because our friends and I "would obviously have more fun without her there".
Since I found out that we are only allowed 2 tents per site, I had to then tell her that we were indeed going to be forced to sleep in the same tent.
I was expecting some serious backlash from that, something along the lines of "IM NOT GONNA SLEEP IN A TENT WITH YOU NOW!"... But all I got back was "Ok, your tent or mine".
Sooooo, yeah.
I feel pretty good lately, really. I think the detachment is just starting to naturally happen.
Anyone got any insights, or advice?
I'm planning to just be cool and have fun this weekend. I will not try anything on her... Not even hand holding. Nothing. I am going to treat her like a friend, and then immediately resume silently backing away after the camping trip.
Welp... Its been a little over a week since I decided to just kinda silently go into the night. I've stopped contacting her alltogether even though we still have the camping trip this weekend with friends.
She still reaches out to me. She starts chats with me on IM when I'm at work, and emails me occasionally.
She did start a a R talk the other day because she was mad at me for seeming "distant" when we had dinner on her birthday. She also told me that she just assumed I was out with a "lady friend" during the day and I should have just stayed with her.
I say nothing to any of this, really, I just told her I was actually out with a group of people that day. That just made her more mad and I got some snarky comments about how she hopes I'm happy with all my awesome new friends.
Then the usual happened.
She told me that she thought I was a "fake" person. She is very, very angry with me for making the changes now that she wanted me to make then, and she said she feels like our entire marriage was "a scam".
She told me she feels worthless, and the fact that I seem to be doing so well makes her feel like a piece of sh1t.
Script? Right?
I did not respond to any of this outside of telling her that I understood why she felt that, but the changes I made were for me, to make myself happy, and it didn't really matter if she believed them or not.
So yeah. A girl that's been very obviously trying to get me to ask her out at work finally got through, and her and I are going out next Friday. Dinner and a movie, no big deal.
And, of course there is the camping trip this weekend. My wife and I are sleeping in the same tent, so that should be nice and awkward.
As a side, I originally planned to bring my own tent, and when I told my wife I wanted to sleep in my own tent she was INSTANTLY defensive and mean, and threatened to not even go, because our friends and I "would obviously have more fun without her there".
Since I found out that we are only allowed 2 tents per site, I had to then tell her that we were indeed going to be forced to sleep in the same tent.
I was expecting some serious backlash from that, something along the lines of "IM NOT GONNA SLEEP IN A TENT WITH YOU NOW!"... But all I got back was "Ok, your tent or mine".
Sooooo, yeah.
I feel pretty good lately, really. I think the detachment is just starting to naturally happen.
Anyone got any insights, or advice?
I'm planning to just be cool and have fun this weekend. I will not try anything on her... Not even hand holding. Nothing. I am going to treat her like a friend, and then immediately resume silently backing away after the camping trip.
that's great konfused. seems like things are looking up. Maybe there is hope man. Just keep working at it. It's obviously working she's pursueing. But just keep doing what you're doing. have fun on your date and camping with WAW.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Women can be quite cruel to their H's. As long as she can talk to him like poop and she doesn't have to deal with the effects of her actions, then she will disrespect him more and more....and treat him worse & worse.
Don't allow her to talk down to you or treat you disrespectfully. Call her out on her behavior.
If nothing else, just look at her and say, "Do you have any idea just how unattractive you are when you act like this?" Then shake your head as if you were dealing with a child and walk away. I just don't think it should be ignored.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have been ignoring it for a while. I thought she just needed to get it out of her system or something, but it's to the point where I think now I need to say something.
I'm not just gonna bust it out at her out of the blue. I'll wait until she starts to get mean again and then say something.
Is it usual for a WAW to be really angry at the changes the LBH makes after separation, even if the changes are the exact changes she wanted during the M?
I just chose it on a whim!