Jaime, I am about where your H is now. Married 23 years, sex petered out before we even got married. The excuse before marriage was she was feeling guilty about premarital and that it would be fine once we married. No sex our wedding night, and only one time during our 8 day honeymoon. Average about once a month since then with some periods of several months without. All indications are she doesn't like it, but when asked she'll say she does. The last few years I've been trying to make it clear to her how much not wanting it has hurt me, and now I think her therapist is telling her similar. She's now taking an interest in pleasuring me, but still will often not let me do anything to her and as a result it feels more like a favor than something she's doing because she enjoys it. As a result, even though it is a need for me, getting "serviced" makes me feel guilty, dirty and just awful for wanting it from someone that it seems doesn't want it. It's to the point now that it is less painful to turn it down than to go through with it and deal with my shitty feelings afterwards. Too little too late? Yeah, I suppose it could be that. I appreciate that she's making the effort, but it rings hollow after all these years and with her continued reluctance to allow me to reciprocate.
