I know what is wrong, fixing it is another story. Your W has to want to fix this. I do not think it is something you can fix. Time, may do it. Anything that you suggest will be controlling and manipulative. I can make suggestions on how to FIX the problem but I don't think that for the survival of your M in the long term that it is a good idea.
You are being rejected in the bedroom. Do you think your W knows this? Does she want to fix the problem?
I guess my solution is patience. Puppy seems to want to take action. What do you think Burt?
So I asked if she would like to join me in councilling Tuesday and she said no, she didn't like him. (which I remember her saying that she thought the hour flew by and wished we had more time with him when we were going last year) Said he didn't remember things from week to week. She said she has an appointment with a woman next week that was recommended by her friend that "everyone goes to".
I have never heard of her and am scared where that will lead. But I cannot control that.
Asked her again for some playtime last night and again she said "no thanks" I asked why not and she said, "because I do not feel like it." I asked, "how about just giving me a little help?" She said, "no thanks", I said why not, she said, "because I do not feel like it."
Anniversary tomorrow, tickets to a show, dinner and a night in a fancy hotel. Going to do my best when I get rejected again.
Puppy, when should I upset the cart, and how should I do it, I would do anything but I do not want to upset the children.
Burt
When you decide that these things are dealbreakers for you -- Boundaries of Personal Integrity. Maybe they are mere annoyances to you, that the two of you can work thru -- only you can decide which.
Personally, I think she's an entitled Princess, and I find her responses to you above callous, hurtful and downright disrespectful. "Honey, I don't feel like it tonite; how about a raincheck for tomorrow?" would be a reasonable response.
You may want to do some posting in the SSM forum on your situation, Burt -- I'm probably the wrong one to ask.
You are being rejected in the bedroom. Do you think your W knows this? Does she want to fix the problem?
I guess my solution is patience. Puppy seems to want to take action.
Here's what I think:
I think Burt's LL -- like many men -- is "Physical Touch," followed maybe by WOAs. I think he's hurting. And I think if his wife can't even make an ATTEMPT to speak his LL, when the big paychecks are flowing, I don't think he has a PRAYER of feeling loved by this woman if and when they are struggling financially again.
You are being rejected in the bedroom. Do you think your W knows this? Does she want to fix the problem?
I guess my solution is patience. Puppy seems to want to take action.
Here's what I think:
I think Burt's LL -- like many men -- is "Physical Touch," followed maybe by WOAs. I think he's hurting. And I think if his wife can't even make an ATTEMPT to speak his LL, when the big paychecks are flowing, I don't think he has a PRAYER of feeling loved by this woman if and when they are struggling financially again.
Puppy
I agree Puppy. Look at where Burt was a year ago. He was getting a D. Is he still getting a D? NO! This is a process and the process is not yet finished.
I think going to the therapist is her way of starting to fix her problem. She did this last year and gradually got better to the point are relationship seemed stronger than ever.
By the way OP, what is her problem? And what might fix it, not saying I will do it, because I do have some patience left.
Puppy, Eventually this is a dealbreaker for me, but as long as I see her trying, I am OK with it for now.
Puppy, Eventually this is a dealbreaker for me, but as long as I see her trying, I am OK with it for now.
Works for me! We're here to support you any way we can, Burt. I guess the difference is that you see "trying," whereas I see none (altho I only have your posts to go by).
I have already thought of lack of progesterone as she has been on the pill for years to regulate her irregular cycles. And I have already tried to suggest that maybe she has an imbalance of hormones. But, she does not agree.
I see her trying by making this unsolicited move to see a therapist. I do not know that much about the therapist but she was suggested by a friend that is married.
