Introducing myself and describing my situation

[fudwoman]

Well Antlers - that's pretty darn inspiring - I recognize that I have a long way to go - and I also see that relationships are extremely complex and that what may look similar on the surface can really mask some stark differences. What I mean by that is that I'm assuming Bridge read my post and overlaid her own experience on it and I'm sure you did the same. There's nothing wrong with that - it's human nature - we try to extrapolate from what we know. The danger for me is that I can easily buy into others' perceptions which may have little to do with my actual experience. In other words - I can easily interpret both of your points of view to translate into blame for me. That's because at the beginning of this saga I thought everything was my fault but now I can see that, that is not the case. There is no question that I have to deal with my anger issues - like you they surpass my relationships with my husband and kids. Still, I think that however I've behaved in the past - it does not provide license for my husband to behave poorly toward me now. Each person is responsible for their own behavior period. This may all sound kind of cryptic but it references an interaction I had with my husband last night in which he was extremely rude to me. I didn't blow up or get angry I just removed myself from the room. He later (sort of) apologized - which means he said sorry but blah blah blah. Sorry should be sorry period - if you punctuate your sorry with the reason the other person's behavior prompted your reaction - that's not an apology. In any case, once again I am responsible for my own behavior in response to his behavior. What I'm struggling with now is trying to show respect for myself without indulging my anger. It's very tricky for me. Not sure if what I've written makes any kind of sense to you. In the end, I just need a space to get my thoughts out and here it is.

A