screwing up big time and need help

[elvencat]

Thanks for the reminder. You are right that I have to believe that he has reasons other than spending time with me to go out.

It's really hard to remember that.

I just wish I could figure out a way to bust the A, but at this point I don't have any good ideas. So... detaching is where this is heading, but it is going to be so hard for me. Again, I think it'll start with boundaries and I have to sit down and figure out what those need to be.

Edited to add:
As for the job, he's already been thinking about it, but he's done that before and tried and given up when his mental disorder symptoms got out of hand. He wants to write, but he hasn't done anything really about it yet. I'm just going to have to step back and let him figure it out on his own, and worry about myself like you all have said. *SIGH* I'm not used to worrying about myself much. It's going to be a long road. But no matter what happens with H and me, I know at least on my part, it will be worth it.