Invinceable

[mishka422]

Ok, let's straighten this out right now. Admitting my true feelings is very hard for me but I need to do it.

In short - I love Gabe, I've never not loved him, I've been so angry with him that I masked my feelings out of hurt.

Now, I'm scared. Scared to death that I'm going to be obliterated again. I'm not scared about standing on my own two feet because I've done it for 2.5 years now and I know I'm capable. I'm scared of the emotional pain that is coming when he decides he's had enough of playing 'happy family' and needs something exciting. That sounds like I don't value myself and, in part, that is true. I still undervalue my gifts and abilities but I'm still learning, still growing.

Gabe will do whatever he will do. He either wants to have a new R with me or he doesn't. I don't know, he won't say. However, his actions and attitude are telling me that he may be considering it.

The not knowing is frustrating but I can only control myself. I only know what I feel and that is just plain scared.

Honesty....with all of you and myself. Wish I could spill that out to Gabe but that is not fair to him to put my feelings on him.

Why did I complicate my life???? I was becoming so predictable and I really did that in!!!!