This isn't going anywhere. He moved out, it's been 10 months. Who would leave their wife and children if they really cared about them? And announce it to everyone who would listen?
He can talk all he wants about reconciling, and try to make passes at me, and go on and on about how we "might" have a future. But it's got to be all lies.
He keeps asking me to go on dates in his city with him. Then cancelling them when I can't find babysitting fast enough.
I am so angry at him for doing this to me, to the children, and to us. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!
Hey SCH...sorry that you are having "one of those days". Venting is good, it helps.
I understand your frustration.... When you read-up on MLC you are advised not to take anything they say or do personally. Easier said then done...but try.
What helps me to deal with WH craziness is to see him as ill...I know that MLC is not really an illness but somehow it helps me to deal with it better if I think of him that way. I'm more understanding that he struggles as well and that he just can't be who I want him to be right now.
Keep your chin up (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Last night WH was here for kids visit, and pushing really hard to reconcile, and to be intimate. Really really hard.
But, nothing changes. He still wants to live in other city, keep his place, have me and the kids live in this city. He's interviewing for new jobs in his city, but the intent is for him to stay there to make money, and me and the kids to stay here.
I'm trying to push back and not get involved with him because I really don't want to live separated like this, while still standing for my M, and he is getting really angry and frustrated with ME.
Can you do those things under these circumstances?
These are all questions you have to answer for yourself…
If this is something you feel that you can honestly handle, and won’t make yourself crazy wondering where he is, what he is doing, who he is with, and he really seems to be making an effort…
Then do it…
IF you can’t do it that way, or you don’t want to do it that way…
Then don’t do it.
You are still trying to decide what you want, based on what he is willing to give you or not. You will end up sacrificing yourself in ways that you won’t like down the road if you continue this way…
I know many people live apart for financial reasons (ie jobs, etc..) however, when they do, they have a plan in place of when they will see each other, how much they will communicate when they are not together, and often how long it will last that way until they can be together on a full time basis…They are both on board with the plan even if they are not totally happy with the situation…
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I totally hear you, but it seems to me that it only makes sense to me from a position of strength. If the marriage was strong, and the couple decided to do this live apart thing for a while.
But in my sitch, he left us, got and decorated his own place, and went off to date other women. If his job wasn't in jeapordy and the cash was still rolling in, I believe he would still be out there partying and thinking he can have his pick of OW and flashy life.
How do I know that if I support his living in another city without us, which I don't agree with, and which straps me and the kids financially (though no more than if I was D), that once he's back on his feet and with lots of money and time, won't go off into the social dating scene again, leaving me and the kids behind, saying -- well, he tried!!
If he wants to married to ME, and I will live here or there with him, I think it is stronger to be together.
... ** Not that living together is a sure thing either, as we LBS on the board do know, but being in this sitch and not living together can't be good, can it? **
I know, but I'm wondering if I'm just being stubborn, if I'm keeping this M from reconciling because I am being as steadfast in my opinions as he is in his.
Someone should give, I'd like it to be him (lol!!), but maybe it should be me? Or does that make me = doormat (sure, get your own place, live away from us, we will support anything you do).
Am I stubborn by not yielding? Am I doormat if I do?!!
Will living apart make you feel like you are being used, taken advantage of, a “doormat”?
Or will it make you feel like you are part of a healthy happy relationship, where you support each other in your individual endeavors?
SC,
In my current R, I am open to trying things that in the past I may not have been so comfortable with. I may not still be so comfortable with them, but I don’t say no right away, UNLESS it is something that I feel compromises me, as a human being…
If I try something and don’t like it, then I don’t do it again…
That comes with knowing yourself…
Knowing what you are worth to yourself, regardless of any other person, their actions, or their feelings…
Do you know what you are worth?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
