And glad to hear that you stuck to your plan. That's not just about strategy, it's about gaining confidence in your own ability to follow through on your plan.
It's hard that the sitch isn't right for sharing all those little milestones (((NM)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Got two divorce stories for ya! But these are both from the same person.
I've got a sort-of friend who I almost never see. Whenever we do see each other, though, we only talk "deep stuff" like relationships and stuff like that.
So I learned today that she's on her third marriage! I asked her if they were mutual splits. She said that she instigated both of them.
With the first marriage, she said, he had a horrible temper and she was afraid of him. So when she told him she was leaving, she made sure that she was in a public place and that she had already packed up everything in the house. And then she was gone.
With the second marriage, she said that he was really controlling. So she said that wasn't working for her. She actually said that she used marital counseling as her way to get through to him-- that a third party could help him see that they weren't a good match. Eventually, he agreed to the divorce. (At first he wanted to make it work.) She said that now he's married to a girl who has no interests, so he controls her life. Like he always wanted to.
And she said now she's with her soulmate. They've been married for 4 years, together for 7.
I was a little bit like, "Um, why are you so quick to get married?" But of course I didn't say anything like that. I just think that if these matches were so awful, it should have been evident before marriage.
So, wanted to pass along the divorce stories to ya!
Thanks Gatsby! One of the reasons why I like to hear divorce stories is because I can say "we didn't have that problem!" do you know what I mean? So I can feel better knowing my marriage wasn't in the sh!thole when he cheated...we all have our weaknesses but it wasn't my fault he left me. I do know that, but I like affirmation from comparing good reasons for divorce.
In my opinion, if a man has an anger issue and he scares me, I couldn't be married to him. Of course if he worked on it and changed, that is different (I think). I wonder if controlling men can change. I do think of "Sleeping With the Enemy" w/Julia Roberts- that husband was scary!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Well darn it all- I could have gone out to dinner with a last minute invite from my new single mom friend, J! But I was working out when she texted me so I missed it! Half heartedly working out, I might add. Ughh...how do they do it on Biggest Loser? Some days my legs feel like lead!
Oops- I usually wait until WH drops off S to report- so I will be back.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
In my opinion, if a man has an anger issue and he scares me, I couldn't be married to him.
I dated some of these guys. There are signs from early on...posessiveness, want all your time, jealous of your friends, road rage,....watch out. Some of the attention is flattering at first, so it easy to get sucked in before you know what's happened! before ya know it you are being stalked and need a restraining order...unless ya marry them!
Quote:
So I can feel better knowing my marriage wasn't in the sh!thole when he cheated...we all have our weaknesses but it wasn't my fault he left me.
Of course it wasn't your fault! In all the reading I have done about MLC, I am beginning to see that it is mis-named. I have said this before, somewhere. We all go through many transitions in life, and I think a crisis can occur in any one of those transitions. Some kids "fail to launch" in their 20's, some have "commitment issues" in their 30's, some freak out at settling down, and so on. Now I am rambling! Not your fault! his issues!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
NM, when I hear of some stories and think the same... i didnt have any evident problems in my M. Maybe I was blind... then again, I see some relationships and wonder how the heck do they work? One thing this has taught me for sure is not to judge other's relationships. What works for some and make some happy wouldnt work for others...
people still tell me that my M to my H seemed like true love... rare true love. and yet he still left...
Grandmother told me tonight of two stories, both where H's left their spouses and both returned to their W's in 2 or 3 years. She looked at me and said I could never hate your H. I love him like my own grandson. I am hurt by what he did, but i dont think it was because of you and know it has to be something he is going through. She told me to speak softly and be sweet and love will bring him back...
i like to think that an 87 year old woman who was married to my grandfather for 53 years knows a little bit about something...
One thing this has taught me for sure is not to judge other's relationships. What works for some and make some happy wouldnt work for others...
Yes, I really and truly have learned that from this experience! But I wouldn't want to be married to a controlling jerk- I guess as long as he doesn't beat the woman, if she likes him, to each her own!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I personally couldnt be in a relationship with a controlling guy either! I cant even be friends with people who want to take over your life and every decision...
Maybe we are just perfect and too intimidating for our H's? hahaha. only kidding!
But seriously... there are some wack-a-dos out their with sane spouses... and they will never leave them... makes you wonder right... but no judgement! Whatever works for them...
