I had an interesting convo with bf last night. Some things have happened that bought up some bad memories from May 2007 onwards..so I asked him about the frankly brutal way he left.
He said he still feels SO bad and always will for what he did. That it was a massive mistake, that he was terribly mistaken when he decided to leave me and that it was by far the biggest mistake of his life, that he cannot stress enough what a massive mistake it was and what a terrible decision he made. That it was like a million times the biggest mistake of his life and he will never stop feeling bad about it.
He said he doesnt want to tell me what to feel and my feelings are real and understandable, but that he has to remind me, he was also feeling dreadfully unhappy when he left and not in a good place himself, but that he is a million miles away from that now. That he is doing all the right things to ensure that never happens again - he's on AD's, exercising alot, drinking very little and going to stress busters.
He said he never wants to put us through that ever again, he has no intentions of doing that and that he wants to live with me forever. That he understands why I still get upset at times, but he hopes that it will stop now and that we can put it behind us and not keep referring to it, we should look to the future now.
He had played me a song about "instant connections" and recounted the story of the first time he met me 14 years ago, how it was love at first sight and how rare it is to truly "get" someone and they to get you.. I said, but i said all that to you the night of the bomb and you dismissed it as irrelevant...
You know, things really can turn around, 360 degrees, but it has taken nearly 3 years. Amazing.
So...MIL is fine, thank god! Sat up in bed, moaning about the lazy staff! *rolls eyes*
