She's on the operating table right now, gosh I'm nervous. BF is waiting for news.
They held the General Election here last week whilst Mercury was Retrograde - so the result was 'hung' and unclear.. they are finally near a decision, as Mercury went stationary direct today. We will know what our Government will be by the time Mercury goes forwards tommorow...the politicians should have consulted their astrologers! David Cameron (Tory, right wing) sadly has the best chart to win
I had an interesting convo with bf last night. Some things have happened that bought up some bad memories from May 2007 onwards..so I asked him about the frankly brutal way he left.
He said he still feels SO bad and always will for what he did. That it was a massive mistake, that he was terribly mistaken when he decided to leave me and that it was by far the biggest mistake of his life, that he cannot stress enough what a massive mistake it was and what a terrible decision he made. That it was like a million times the biggest mistake of his life and he will never stop feeling bad about it.
He said he doesnt want to tell me what to feel and my feelings are real and understandable, but that he has to remind me, he was also feeling dreadfully unhappy when he left and not in a good place himself, but that he is a million miles away from that now. That he is doing all the right things to ensure that never happens again - he's on AD's, exercising alot, drinking very little and going to stress busters.
He said he never wants to put us through that ever again, he has no intentions of doing that and that he wants to live with me forever. That he understands why I still get upset at times, but he hopes that it will stop now and that we can put it behind us and not keep referring to it, we should look to the future now.
He had played me a song about "instant connections" and recounted the story of the first time he met me 14 years ago, how it was love at first sight and how rare it is to truly "get" someone and they to get you.. I said, but i said all that to you the night of the bomb and you dismissed it as irrelevant...
You know, things really can turn around, 360 degrees, but it has taken nearly 3 years. Amazing.
So...MIL is fine, thank god! Sat up in bed, moaning about the lazy staff! *rolls eyes*
I am so jealous of the convos you have with him. Its like washing all the hurtful things away. Little by little, more every time. I hope you realise how precious those convos are.And he really CANT repeat more times how bad he feels etc etc...
How does he feel about the wedding preparations? How is the dress? What will you do with your hair? Shoes? Where are you going for honeymoon? K
BTW, do you have a paypal account and if yes, which email is it connected to?
I was going to add how lucky I felt that he is able to express these things to me now and with such clarity, like he didnt pre-bomb!! Yes K, I agree, it washes away the past. I was crying down the phone to him last night (he's been away for days).. it had bought up so many memories of when he left: him back home and me here, not knowing where he was, or with whom, him carrying on seeing friends 'business as usual' and me, so devastated I could hardly function. He said when I join him later this week, it will put an end to those bad memories and 'close the circle'. Bless him !!
He is VERY excited about the wedding, shopping for a wedding shirt past 3 days. I dont know what I am going to do about hair, makeup shoes etc, eek!! Met the seamstress this week, she is confident about my dress. It is so far based on 4 or 5 dresses I like, so I dont know what it will end up like!!! Eek again.
He is sorting the honeymoon, either Iceland, Italy or.. Greek islands (lush)! (no PayPal, sorry!)
Lees - I'm glad, but so sorry you find yourself here. My bf was ADAMANT it was "over for good" etc.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Re the seamstress - my wife had a beautiful dress made via a similar experience. She hated every minute of the fussing and the fittings, but all her friends loved it!
You must let us know how it turns out. Maybe Iceland isn't the place for HM given the volcano issues! I do know some good friends who got married and had HM in Tuscany, and had the most wonderful time. Lake Como is also a lovely italian destination.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I wanted to post to say how VERY, VERY happy I am for you and bf. Congratulations on your wedding plans! Your positive attitude has always been an inspiration to me. I haven't posted much since my D was final in December, but really appreciated your kindness in coaching me in the past. Your bf is very lucky to have you in his life. Thank you for continuing to share your insights.
For what it's worth, (X)H and I honeymooned in Italy a few years back and we positively LOVED Venice.....we also thought the Vatican Museum rivaled the Louvre.
Thank you for your lovely posts. I think you have all persauded me Italy is the place to go! We have always wanted to go there, but for us its an expensive option, so maybe we should go for it!
Things arent perfect for me, I'm not pregnant this month again, so thats 6 months of trying now and of course, my fertility is dropping off drastically every year that goes by at my age, so its frustrating that time keeps trickling by. BF says dont worry, but I have to admit I'm getting a little worried now. And sad about it. I have a HSG soon and then they will start giving us help, which I am dreading really! I hate doctors and being 'messed with' medically. Just got to keep on keeping on...
