And yes I realize he's been gone for a long time, but he hasn't processed the affair... he's escaping the damage rather than healing it...
He thinks having a revenge affair and hurting YOU is going to make him feel better... It won't... He can escape the hurt YOUR OM brought into his home for a while, but it will keep haunting him...
I am hoping a FT offering to help him process might make some inroads... You need a neutral party to motivate him to talk about what he's been through... a GOOD FT is ideal, a close marriage-educated friend is a good alternative...
I agree iwth you about the OW being revenge driven I have felt this for many months...it's nice to have someone else think this too.
AS for FTmotivating him...our MC is good, but he's not pushy and if H clams up, what can be done? How can he encourage him to process this stuff? IF you have some clues, I can certainly ask the MC if he's willing.
