I totally agree with the F-Off, when OW or OM is involved. I understand how you have to shut them out to show you dont accept their actions and that you can not get their mind to focus on you and your actions until the OP is out of the picture completely.
piano, dont be so hard on yourself! you took some chances... but you can easily go back into detaching and going dark. Just as you cant do anything about taking H away from OW, you DIDNT do anything to push him towards her!
Well talk about H and their fog.My 2 D's saw their dad tonight first sighting in 6 months.They were in eldest daughters car.He looked at both, both said he saw them and he ran on..no ackknowledgement..what a plonker!!!
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
The only diff I think between women and men as walkaways is that men are better compartmentalisers and also feel much less guilt about leaving their families and the destruction they cause when they have an affair.
I agree... I think women tend to be more sensitive and think what if... guys instead learn to hide the hurt and make excuses for their actions... none of which make sense! Men tend to convince themselves it is what is best... while Women tend to think and analyze and feel guilty. But it certainly doesnt mean there are W's out there who dont do the same as men do, and H's who think with their hearts as well as their heads...
Who knows!
But NM, go buy the secret or at least visit their site and read their inspirational stories! It will uplift your spirits!
I hate to say it but I know the feeling. My father left my mom 3 years ago... complicated story, but my father suffered major brain damage in an accident and went completely nuts! He not only divorced my mother, but has not communicated with my sibling and me since he left. Not for births, weddings, nothing.
Be there for your daughters... It always means so much to know my mom is my constant in my life.
hope your H has a very good reason for doing so! (really what can be a good reason for being a dead beat dad). Im so sorry!!!
BD your sitch is looking positive! After all, no OW, your H wants to talk to you and hang out...it is more than just being a dad!
I hope so...
Past few days lots of phone calls, just to talk and texts and i have been not replying so quickly and not answering all calls... looks nice to see missed calls on my phone!
I havent called or text him and want him to do all the work!
Was planning to just meet him at the birthing classes but got a call a bit ago asking what time should I pick you up... (fall over... pass out on the floor) (picked myself up... took a deep breath) and said a time.
He also said he is paying for the cost of the classes... (sigh)
Fingers Crossed! Im excited about the classes! 9 weeks til the baby comes... WOW!!!
BD, lol! sorry for posting that on Piano's thread!
So does this mean you go to a class today and will be reporting to us after? I hope!
But you must keep up the chase...continue delaying responses to your texts and let him pursue you! I know you know what to do- just encouraging you!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
So H picked me up on time... and the class was a bit slow but fairly informative. H had a tshirt on with one of the teams playing in the Stanley Cup, so someone on the elevator made a comment if he was watching the game tonight and H said no, said he was given a ticken to the game but is going to birthing classes. May seem like no big deal but H is HUGE hockey fan, still plays in a league. And this game is major. I was floored! He answered the guy calmly not sarcastically. I said your S would be very happy to know the sacrifice you made for him, and he replied, I did it for you. (Sigh)
throughout the night I was great, composed. Looked my best, smiled and was trying to exhude confidence and H acted like my H. Wierd! But I let it be. They showed a video with different couples giving birth, and when they got to the part where the baby was finally born and they announced girl or boy and laid the baby on the mom, H looked at me with a huge smile in his face. he seemed really happy. Things were pretty normal. They talked a bit about babies recognizing their parents voices and it helps the baby to bond with his mother and father and H turned to me and said, oh wow... baby wont recognize me. Felt like saying, Yeah and I told you that!!! instead I responded with, you can still talk to him. But H seemed fairly content.
We were handed out paperwork on the next 5 classes, and found out that one night, he is on-call at the hospital, but he offered to change it. and another is on the night of the day he graduates. I said i understand if you cannot make it since you may be celebrating with family and friends and he said he's rather be there with me. (hmmmmm)
Our classes are held in the hospital where I will be delivering and H was timing the minutes... 9 to be exact! He said look I can get you to the hospital in 9 minutes! We talked about the pediatrician and after the class he asked about getting the car seat ready and so on. Class was good, and it refreshed my mind with lots of things I read but H seemed to have learned a lot.
On our 9 minute drive home, H asked if I wanted a ticket to his graduation... which is exactly 6 years to the day we got engaged... a silly anniversary we always celebrated. I didnt know what to say. So I didnt say much. Bc I felt like asking why would you want me there... as a wife or a friend or your baby mama? He also made it sound at first like it was no big deal, if you want the ticket great, if not no worries... Just so happens my BIL is graduation from the same university that day, so tried to play it off like, you would be there for both of our graduation. H knows I could care less about BIL (sorry but true) so I said are you asking me to come your grad or to just have the extra ticket. He said no I want you there for me.
I am shocked. he said you dont have to give me an answer right now. (Good! Because i need to think about it and go talk to my friends on DB!)
Pulled up in front of my house, I said thank you and he said I had a great time... thank you and bye.
Good night... no expectations. Not really sure what to make of anything.
looks nice to see missed calls on my phone!