When my ex-husband left for the first time almost 10 years ago, to go see if there was something better out there because if he didn't he would always wonder, I knew that since he had chosen crazy and irresponsible I would by default have to be sane and responsible and do whatever I had to do to make sure that my children came out of this horrible experience as whole as possible. My children were 10 and 15 at the time. They are now successful happy young adults. I know for a fact that my choice to be the sane parent played a huge role in their successes. My children oft thank me for being the sane one.
You can be the strong one if you want to be. You just have to make that choice and then work on it. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Some days it will be one minute at a time.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
weren't any of you concerned that you would get screwed financially while waiting to see if m would survive. that is one of my biggest fears about waiting. i feel time is not on my side because of this. you dont know how crazy he is with debt.
Protect yourself financially. I beleive you have been told this. You need to make sure his debt does not affect you. Do this now. YOu know how he spends. Don't wait around letting him make you bankdrupt. You need to protect yourself and your futre. BTW you do not wait to see if your m will survive. You live your life like he is never coming back. You can leave the door open but do not wait.
I got a legal seperation, this protected me from his accumulating debts (200,000)...I canceled all joint accounts...
That is how YOU PROTECT yourself...NOT SNOOPING ON HIS COMPUTER...
You need to call him and tell him that you don't want to be able to access his email anymore and have him change all the info you need to get the password...if you have no control (like you claim with him and his spending)then give him the control to stop you from ruining your life, his life, and your sons...
You are on a one woman road to destruction...and I chime with Mr. Bond...print out your posting here and show it your doctor...you have lost control....
I was also the one who had to be sane...my children kept their grades up...even honor roll! I would not allow anything to hurt them and if that would have been me I would have found someone I trusted to watch them for me (when I felt a breakdown coming on I would do that so that I could have MY time)
You are losing it...and I think it is terrible that you are snooping so much...that is not protecting you...you can't keep him from spending money...especially not by checking his email history...personally, if I knew your H I would rat you out because I don't think you have the sense to see what your doing and to change you addiction-controling your H and worrying yourself over NOTHING...
(holding my head in utter disbelief that someone can be so so so stubborn, blind, hard-headed, and totally unreasonable!)
Go talk to a lawyer. I know nothing about laws in your state but I find this hard to believe. You are setting another roadblock for yourself. Go get the answers you need by professionals before it is too late.
as soon as i mentioned this to h last week he down loaded spy locator software i saw on his history so he is trying to hide stuff.
No, he’s protecting his privacy. I’d download spy-locater too if I knew some crazy lady was snooping on me.
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I give you alot of credit for being so strong.
You keep doing this—saying we are strong or wise—as though it is some special attribute that you cannot have. Instead of focusing on what we have that you don’t, focus on how to get some of it.
You head from the OW’s husband that your husband and she are seeing each other again. So you have a confirmation that your husband is cheating. That’s all you need to know—stop reinforcing it; you already know. My husband lived with the OW every time he left home. I didn’t sit here and wonder where he was or what he was doing. I already knew; he was with her! Because he was with her two nights in a row—or 105—did not make it any worse since it was all part of a single action.
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weren't any of you concerned that you would get screwed financially while waiting to see if m would survive. that is one of my biggest fears about waiting. i feel time is not on my side because of this. you don’t know how crazy he is with debt
Stop! Are you not paying attention at all! Yes, most of the posters here do know because they are dealing with MLC spend-crazies. And yes I was concerned about my finances; I was afraid of losing my house, my job… The difference in your situation is YOU.
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the problem is in my state unless you are d you really have no protection from h debt.
Yeah, in your state of mind. Talk to your lawyer about financially protecting yourself. It can be done; but I don’t know how, ask a professional.
And by the way, you are not allowed to put your email on this site—it is cause for immediate banning. Edit that now!
