think your H is tired of being treated like a wife and wants to feel like the man of the house. When the roles are reversed like this.....it does seem to go against what nature designed. He even said it was not normal.
Good point! Add this to the plan- of course it will feel strange massaging his ego while he is having an EA but it is part of the whole plan.
So what do you think will help him feel like a man... asking input on paying bills? fixing stuff? Men like to feel needed, provide, protect, and take care of their family and feel appreciated for their work. He is crazy about DD- is he a good dad?
I didn't really think of it this way, but you are right. He has made passing comments that his medical sitch leaves him feeling helpless and useless. I think his belief that I've been controlling may partly result from the fact that anything physical that has to be done has almost always been done by me since he has too much chronic pain, and earlier in our relationship his schizo-affective disorder was still unstable so often I did the bills, had the job, took care of misc. paperwork, etc....
He absolutely loves DD and is an awesome dad, but he has confided to me before that he feels inadequate in taking care of her and not being able to physically play with her like I can. She is a very active 3yr old. I pointed out to him that she plays with him, just not in the same way.... pretend, reading, singing songs and such. That made him feel better, but I think it still bothers him a lot.
I think maybe I need to figure out a way to stop being the caretaker. That'll take some work on my part because so often that's how I feel. And if I can do this, maybe he can start to see me as more a spouse/partner than a caretaker.
Right now he is taking care of the bills since he has more money. I am trying to come up with more ideas, but with his medical sitch, I'm really at a loss to try something he hasn't already in the past. If you all have any ideas, I'd be glad to hear them!
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
