Please don't give up hope...You need to talk to someone asap...I know you don't want to call a hotline however you need to. You are in a very dark place right now and will not be able to get out of it alone...
I will sit here all night with you if you need me...You can vent, you can cry, you can rage...You can not however take your life - Period.
You on the alt? Instant message?
Tell me how I can help you.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
