didn't get a chance to reply to this note. boy, are these posts getting long.
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This is a good step. Just don't go overboard with it. Concentrate on understanding you.. and what is important to you. Leave the mind reading and guessing until later down the road. Can't stress this enough.
yeah, mind reading is bad. it causes panic attacks in me.
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In your mind.. asking for that card you really wanted.. took a little bit away from the "gift". In his mind.. he was going with what had worked. Think back to how you reacted when you were dating to the nice gift he got you. How did you react differently years down the road?
i always smiled and thought the gifts were thoughtful. the gifts i liked the most, involved getting away and spending time together. often spending time together lead to other things.
i hope h is not lurking. but i remember being disappointed once when he got me diamond earrings. that really hurt him. i got my ears pierced just for him. and he wanted to reward me with diamond earrings. i wanted the engagement ring. not because of the ring, but because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
now that the d-bomb has been dropped. he wants all of that stuff back. the ring, the earrings. and that hurts.
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You will be surprised at what a WAS can "see". The bad stuff they can really "see".. cause it is what they are looking for.
This is why it is important to break away from the mold they have of you. Smiling goes a long way to helping that.. even if it is fake at first.
when his mom was here, i happily at the crap she fed me. i didn't talk back. i didn't roll my eyes. i just sighed and went about my business. did i set boundaries? no. if i had set boundaries at that time, it would have been viewed as an attack on his mom. and that was one of the reasons why he felt i was no longer the same person he had married. the old GG wouldn't have behaved that way towards his parents.
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But.. do you really think that this is a malicious attack on you.. and who you are? Do you really think your H woke up one morning and said you know what.. she has made my life hel1.. now I am gonna return the favor?
honestly. yeah, i do think he woke up and decided to return the favor. it's like he thinks i hurt his mom's feelings so he's defending their honor and seeking revenge for allegedly ruining christmas for them. has he ever thought that maybe they were exaggerating things? he should be aware of the fact that it's a trait that runs in the family.
i'm sure he's acting on emotions but so what? the emotions are from christmas. a week later, he drops the d-bomb and starts nickel and diming me on everything because he wants to control the d-process so it all works out in his favor. this way his parents will be proud of him for walking away with everything and leaving me destitute? this is what his emotions have lead him to do and that's how he wants to exact revenge on me because i ruined christmas for his parents? even if i had a snide look on my face, something had to have provoked it. so it's a two way street.
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Or you change yourself and understand that this is not an "attack".. but the result of lots of "Emotion". Maybe you save the M.. maybe you don't. The turn around to get you started is to get your mind straight. Stop acting out.. and use your mind. Start small.. build on that.
despite the anger in me, i would still like to save our r. there was a lot of good in the r. and i can't erase that.
