Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Well.... she replied.

She said she was glad I'm enjoying yourself. I mentioned in my reply the stuff I'm doing over the next week, including going out for drinks with a friend I've made over here.

She was very happy, said all my stuff sounded fun... and wished me luck on my date, saying she'd ask how it went but thinks that would be weird...

..oh, and mentioned she plans on doing a SCUBA course...

I may have screwed up in my reply. I kept it shorter than hers, said that I'm doing what I can to keep busy, wished her luck on her course, and said that "It's not at date, I'm not dating. I'm married."

Is that too harsh?

Did I attack when I shouldn't have??

I jut don't know what to do

[sandi2]

Don't tell her so many "details" and do make it sound more vague and mysterous. However, don't go overboard and be too obvious!

"It's not at date, I'm not dating. I'm married."

She called it a date. Why didn't you just leave it at that instead of correcting her? When you "reminded" her that you were still M......you killed it right there. Do you see what I mean? Yes, you are M and if you don't think you should date then don't date......but is it necessary to discuss it with her? Are you thinking she has forgotten? Not only were you no longer looking unavailable and attractive after that remark, but you took all the mystery out of it and let her know that you are still waiting on her with your tongue hanging out. I can almost see the smug smile on her face now.

[blind]

Yeah, I replied too quickly.... I got up and saw the email as I was getting ready for work.... I didn't want to stew over it all day at work, so I replied straight away.

... I know I overdid it.

But I'm also being held back by the fear. I don't want her to think I'm dating so therefore it's alright for her to.

Not that'd I'd know if she is already or not.

Am I thinking she's forgotten we're married? Maybe. Kinda hoping she's forgotten so that all I need to do is remind her. I know that's not the case.

I don't know what she's thinking anymore... beyond 'get him out of my life asap so I can forget all of this'.... and that sucks.

Not feeling TOO down all things considered, just tired. Gone dancing three days in a row, and now I'm just exhausted.

Still, can't sleep... need to find something to do.

[blind]

Ok, rested a little around the house... fed... feeling a little more alive.

Not the best idea, because now I'm more awake and still not found anything to do with the evening. Damn it.

I'm trying to line things up for the weekend, but my social scene is still pretty on the fringes. I have a good mate and her fella, but I don't want to feel like I'm demanding too much of their time. Plus she's gone through something similar to what I'm going through now, so seeing me go through it just dredges things up for her, and I hate hurting her... so not forcing myself there.

I'm going dancing, but the stuff I'm doing is pretty technical stuff, so there's not much in the way of socialising as everyone is focusing on getting the moves right.

Um... So what else can I do to establish a social group?

I'm here for the next 6 months and all I can think of is getting out of the house as much as humanly possible. Anything I've not thought of? Any ideas?

[sandi2]

Depending on what you like. Most places have a page in the newspaper that tells of upcoming events that you could attend. There's clubs, sports, classes, church......you have to find what's out there and try new things. Right now, you need to find something that will calm you down before bedtime. Maybe reading?

[lees]

Blind, what interests you besides dancing?

Do you like music, physics, computers? Do you like the outdoors? Is there a sporting activity that might help with your dancing? Do you like to go to gigs or play an instrument?

Tell us!

[blind]

I've looked in the newspaper, but I'm not really sure what to attend.

I've tried reading, but my mind isn't ready for a quiet time solo activity at the moment... though being able to sleep better would be a plus. I'd been doing pretty well for a little while, then just recently, it's started to become more difficult.

Stuff that could help the dancing... um... I need to look into some things like Acrobatics, but I want to lose a bit more weight first. There's another studio I'm looking at going to next week that teaches Hip Hop, Contemporary and Pilates, So I plan on giving them a try.

I've been loving the outdoors recently, never been much of an outdoors man before, but being cooped up inside for the last 6 years has made me appreciate it much more! I'm not really much of a sportsman... Dancing is about as sporty as I get (which is fantastic when it gets to competition level!). I've thought of finding a church... my parents are very against it, which is something we clashed over back in the day when I found my faith. Truth is, it's something I'm struggling with at the moment.

I've never sat down and learnt to play an instrument, but I do love music. I have some friends over here in the music scenes, but they're busy a lot rehearsing with their bands. I've gone to some gigs with them, but they're few and far between.

I've been trying to teach myself Japanese recently too. I did a look at europe while in the UK, so I figured why not look at Asia while hear? I've looked into classes, but the ones here are a minimum commitment of 1 year, and I don't plan on being in the city more than 6 months.

I'm a real nerd when it all comes down to it, but I'm not sure I want to pursue any more of that at the moment... it tends to be a fairly solitary culture, and the last thing I need to do is get caught up in a social group that isolates itself by nature.

Wow... I just realised how many times I've said the word "I" in this post! Feeling very self centered it seems!

Lees, Sandi, thanks for the interest. I'll have a look at the paper tomorrow and see if there's anything else there I haven't thought of.

[lees]

There's tons of ideas in there blind. So many to choose from.

If reading is tricky how about short stories? Or maybe something factual you can pick up and put down easily. The dancing and pilates sounds like a fab idea. Have you considered trampolining? The outdoors stuff should be relatively easy, there must be hiking groups near you that require little commtiment but are there for a hike when you're at a loose end. I can't comment on the church side of things I'm afraid, but the music thing is right up my street. Most instrumental teachers have links into bands of many standards to get their pupils into, so maybe a lesson or two in something you always fancied?
Languages can be learned in so many ways. Formal classes, individual tuition, online courses, CD/DVD courses.

Blind - pick one, just one to start with, and get stuck in! I'm of the opinion that the doing is the important bit. It doesn't necessarily have to involve other people at all. As long as it amuses you!

[blind]

Hey lees,

I know, loads of options right? I've gotten home from work and I'm absolutely knackered. I've been dancing nearly every night this week, along with the stupidly early mornings and the loads of exercise... I think it's taking it's toll.

Also, the lack of sleep isn't helping much.

I'll have a look at hiking groups.... I don't know if there's any trampolining in town... I'd worry that I have to lose a bit more weight first!

I've got loads of muso friends... I'm just not sure if it's what I'm looking for... OK, I don't know WHAT I'm looking for, but you know?

I've got some Japanese CDs that I've been working through (Konbanwa), Just want to make sure I'm making enough progress on it.

I can tell that the doing is important - the three nights dancing booked up are good... will have to see what this new venue is like.

I've got a few options for the weekend popped up today, which is nice. But tonight, tonight is still a loose end. Just as well really, I think I can use the sleep.

Working the long hours also hurt my head... lots of time dwelling. I've told one person at work now, and going to need to start telling people (They've been making jokes about my wife and the reasons she's on the other side of the earth.... not helping, but I keep my composure, it's not malicious, they don't know).

I think I need to stop posting tonight before this becomes too much of a wallowing in self pity party.

It'll all look better tomorrow.

[fullmoon]

Hey B,

Is there a community centre near by where they offer language courses? These days Chinese courses have taken over, but if there is it usually goes for one term which is a few months.
You could also look into a language swap with someone... maybe try gumtree.com.au?

Funny you say Japanese, that's my native language :-)
It's quite Australian in a way isn't it, a while ago lots of people used to study it and I've come across some who speak it fluently although they've never lived in Japan.