i feel like i completely ruined my marriage

[angierenee]

Thanks for you words, even if i didnt want to hear some of them, but they are good for me. It is so strange because i am a pretty girl, i just lost myself somewhere and I feel like an empty shell after being with someone for 10 years and not knowing if he has been effing someone else the entire time. Everyone notices my changes....old friends and family.... everyone is like what happened to the old angie. i have so much insecurity, anger and sadness stemming from my husband it is killing me.

I understand about the vomiting part......i get so sick to my stomach sometimes i have to throw up...i went grocery shopping with my daughter and we had to rush to the bathroom so i could throwup... the site of food is so disgusting. Everything if flavorless. and i find this so strange because part of me hates him so much but part of me loves him, but i feel like he killed a part of me that made me fun. I have had such a hard time keeping friends because i end up blabbing about my problems, because there are so many they just bubble out of me. And i think it makes them uncomfortable...understandably so.

My old friends and family are so tired of hearing these stories but they stick in there with me. Everyone tells me to leave. I think this is a lot easier for him because he smokes pot all day everyday. And he just recently started selling it. I dont want this kind of life around my daughter.