She came in to my office to talk about her night out with a mutual friend. This led us into a discussion we have not had in quite a while
She matter of factly stated that we are getting divorced. She needs to start over, needs to have different type of relationship. She needs to spend some time by herself. She is pretty set on the D, it would appear.
She talked about the fact that she had lost her trust in me, as a result of my lying to her about my past mistakes. I told her that the trust issue goes both ways, and that I thought it was very important for us to try to rebuild our trust, even if we are going our separate ways. We have been together for too long to walk away thinking the other person is a habitual lier.
She told me that it was clear to her that my emotional needs had been being met by others over the past number of years, and that she was unable to meet my emotional needs no matter how hard she tried.
We talked about the OM. She says she has confronted him and told him she wants nothing to do with him physically. She just wants to be his friend. He tells her he is trying to get back with his W. Tells her he will respect her boundaries. I told her that she should be careful, that the addiction he has for her does not go away easily. Probably went too far in criticizing him in front of her, but so be it. I do not believe they can go back to being friends, which she so desperately wants. I guess she has to find this out for herself, as I am quite sure he will not respect her boundaries for long. But it does seem clear that her relationship with OM is more important than her relationship with H at this time.
She agreed to go the MC next week to talk over some of these issues. She is doing it more for me than for herself. I think we need to talk about reestablishing trust, and about the fact that I have not been a liar throughout our relationship. I think we need to talk about our communication issues. I think we need to talk about the fact that we can meet each others emotional needs. I have no idea how far to take this conversation, but I need to be careful. I think it is a conversation we need to have.
She says that she needs to be more upfront and demanding in her next relationship, that she cannot hide her feeling like she did from me. I told her that we had communicated more since she asked for a D than we had in quite a while, and she thought that was sad. It is sad, but it also means we do have the ability to communicate.
I wish I knew if I was doing the right thing, or if I am screwing things up more than they already are, if that is possible.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
