I would call that leaving the door open just a crack.
But you sure as heck don't want to spend your precious time continually looking back to see if anyone is there.
I'm sorry for the end of your marriage, and I'm sorry for the many feelings that you are going through. I remember them well. It's weird, when you never planned on being a divorced man (or woman), taking on that mantle is just...off somehow.
I'm good with that. There's no point in any definitive "drawing the line" right now. Someday might have to based on where my path takes me.
It is weird, incorproating this into my "identity" - but not bothersome. Just new.
I do have this feeling of, like right after you finish taking your finals in school.
Originally Posted By: StupidRomeo
Having said that 'y her saying you're all she ever wanted is she not saying she wants to try again but not in those words? I'm sorry if I'm bringing up something you don't want to be thinking about.
No I don't. I've been through this before with her. There's no subtext. Really what it means I guess is that she's still pretty transparent to me. We never really did cut off that level of communication.
Originally Posted By: v1olin
You handled that really well Geronimo and I knew that you would. Signing those papers has only changed your relationship with her in the legal sense and it will bring you some closure to the legal BS. That is always a plus! Now, I agree with the others, your XW does not seem to be done with you and she will come find you when she is ready. It will then be up to YOU wether or not you and your XW try again.
Thank you!
I don't know, thoughts for another day. I have no expectations for really anything right now.
Originally Posted By: karen43
Quote:
She was still struggling this morning when I dropped the kids.
Good.
Things will continue to get better for you. Life is so much more peaceful and less-crazy as time goes on. Boring is good sometimes.
She's still struggling. I dropped the boys off this morning, and she's in bad shape. Has a cold too, so sick and depressed. She commented on how I seemed so happy. Actually said giddy. Don't know, I was just in a good mood this morning, and she was on the brink of tears. I think it pissed her off a little. I did hug her, and told her everything is going to be OK, and her response was more or less "I can't do this." So, OK.
Funny how I still worry about her. Yeah, I'm ducking for the 2x4s are coming. But at this point I'm kind of figuring, what is is, I do care about her, she is the mother of my kids, and I really don't feel like she can hurt me anymore. Wow, that's kind of nice to realize.
I said goodbye to the boys, one of which commented on how I'd shaved off my week-and-a-half growth of beard. I said, is this better, and he said yes, it's better for kissing.
And God as my witness I couldn't help myself, I turned to XW and said "Hey! Better for kissing!" And she said... "Don't mess with me. Go be giddy somewhere else. Go."
So that how things are now. Seriously, you'd think I had divorced her.
In other news - this is a weird thing that happened to me yesterday. I've really re-connected with a lot of people over the last months, and have developed an eagerness to talk to people that I really haven't had before. Anyway, a high-school acquaintance has started initiating chats on FB, and was telling me last night that she's planning to seperate from her husband, move out, she's done, had it, etc. WAW. So we did talk about our different experiences, and I told her how I would have stuck with it through the bad times, etc. Long conversation. Then at the end - well - she commented that I was handsome and signed off with an XOXO.
And - WHOA. No way am I going to be an EA for someone else's situation. Just had a sudden sense of alarm.
Just imagine now that what she's telling me, would be similar to what XW was chatting about with her eventual OM. How we all deserve to be happy, how her husband doesn't appreciate her, etc. This isn't a judgment of her situation or how she feels about it, it's just acknowledging the parallel. She's a nice woman and talking to people is so important right now, but I don't want to walk into that. Maybe I'm misreading but my alarm bells went off.
I have another high-school friend that I've become very close to, has really been a primary source of support, she's been through two divorces and is now living with someone in a committed relationship. She's actually read some of my posts here. I talk to her regularly. And she's told me recently that her great unanswered question of her life is if things would have worked between us and has thought about this for 20 years. I've encouraged her to consider her BF's request to get married.
Oh, and since I'm just going on now - yeah I have chatted with TM, and the cards are pretty much on the table. We've both acknowledged that we're both interested, but agree that this is just absolutely the wrong time.
I really need to focus on adjusting to my new life, on my boys, on me and leveling out. Yes Karen, I want "boring" for awhile.
