I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

He claimed I was just giving answers from a book, and he was right.

That's almost funny--mine said something very similar yesterday. About my "Typing it all out." "However you write this all out." "That's how you're going to type it all out anyway."

It's almost enough to make me think he kept my DB book & found the forums. I know better, he has no internet access while there & these forums are my little secret weapon.

I'm sure it's just because he knows I'm a writer (by love if not by profession), and he *hates* that I'm on the internet.


I'm glad to hear that I'm doing that much right. It feels like he's just angrier at me for it. Maybe it just makes him angrier, period? Like you guys said, it has nothing to do with me. I almost want him to see me cry--like it's going to make him feel a little less alone. But I know that's not going to work, I'd been doing it for three years with no results.

So you got better at it because you had time to practice it, or because you really started to believe it? Or both?

I don't think he'd believe me very much if I told him some of the things I'd come to understand in the past three weeks. He was talking yesterday (hurt, angry talking) about how I had tried to control his life.

My answer was simple...

"You're right! I was. I thought I was doing the right thing and helping you, but I wasn't. I was just like everyone else who tried to make you be something you didn't want to be. And I had no right to do that."

There were a few seconds of silence on the phone. Then he launched into how I didn't support him when he changed majors last year...which isn't true. If anyone knows what a waste it is to spend $$ and time in a field you are not going to do well in, it's me. Better to decide one quarter in than after you have three years of student loans & a degree you won't use. kwim? So he's wrong in that respect, he had my complete support even when the rest of our families were not happy with him. But he's taken to rewriting history, too, so...okay, H. No point in arguing a moot point.

Oh yeah--another confession; I was pretty proud of myself for being soooo supportive of him during that change. I'm sure it came across as arrogance. It wasn't intended, but then again i wasn't looking at it from his POV, either.