Introducing myself and describing my situation

[Bridgestone]

Hi A..
Bravo for you for posting.. as robx said, admiting to problems and seeking help is the first step.

Personally, I think you are focusing too much on your H and need to work on you. Your changes will necessitate him changing.

I have been on the receiving end of "angry" for years and it shuts down emotional intimacy pretty hard.

I walked on eggshells with my XH trying to prevent the next eruption.

If your H has been doing this trying to appease your anger for 19 years, it will take a while to overcome this tendancy...and not nearly as quickly as you may like.

IF HE chooses to over come this, it will be in responses to things that you are doing to that make it safe for him to consider rebuilding that intimacy you are seeking.

I would suggest "love without Hurt" by Steven Stosny as a FIRST read and work for you and then moving onto "Hold me Tight" by Sue Johnson. The first comes highly recommended for couples in high conflict relationships, especially for the one with anger issues... the 2nd for couples who have emotional intimacy issues.

Without emotional safety there can not be true intimacy. I can understand why you would be angry about lack of intimacy, but he is sad & anxious & probably angry about how he has been treated in the R up to this point as well. Developing compassion for your H's perspective is crucial in working on yourself and your R surviving.


Good luck & peace
Bridge