You didn't mess up but you need to pay attention to how you say things.
Coach, man I am trying.
I am so sick of screwing things up. I know what you told me to say, but in trying to make it my own words, I went off script. How can I rectify it and make it right? Is it too late?
Quote:
Look at the response you got.
I didn't really get a response. I told her I had something to do and left. She didn't say anything this morning either.
I am finally detached enough to accept the outcome, either way. I do want a better marriage than before and I still want it with her. If not, I am okay with it. I have tried. I just don't want to push her any further away.
Thanks for the continued help, I need it. I am doing, not just trying. Obviously, I'm not doing it right.
I am finally detached enough to accept the outcome, either way. I do want a better marriage than before and I still want it with her. If not, I am okay with it. I have tried. I just don't want to push her any further away.
Reread that.
You can't be afraid of making your wife mad. Once I learned that if my wife got angry it was a good thing then my sitch changed. She won't be pushed away if you are attractive to her. Number one thing women say over and over that is attractive is confidence.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I get it. I don't care if she gets mad anymore. I was trying to say that I want to do what it takes to try to save things and not do what it takes to push her away.
Crap, I'm not explaing it well. I have done enough in the past, begging, pleading, all the common mistakes. I have not done anything like that in months. I know I haven't been strong enough and a leader like you say to be. That's what I am trying to do. Be strong, lead, but not push her farther away.
Number one thing women say over and over that is attractive is confidence.
Excellent point. Don't let someone who is overbearing push you around.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Hey, I've been there. My ex wasn't particularly 'bossy' or anything before she left, but man, after she left . . . Once I realized she wasn't kidding, I got led around like a bull with a ring in his nose for awhile. I was either kissing her butt and cooperating to a fault or trying to "make my case" . . . which she didn't care whether I made it or not. Not much good in making a point when they don't really care if you do or not. Keep plugging away, man.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
LOL - looks like coach and I are 180 degrees apart on viewing the way you said what you said.
And I wonder why I get confused!
Seriously though, don't beat yourself up over this. You delivered a message. I think what people are trying to say is that you can be more direct about it and less wishy washy (like you said "I will go to MC with you if and when you are ready"). State it in a way that says how sure you are: "We need transparency and MC. If you do not agree to that, we need to begin dissolving the marriage".
But I don't think you screwed up; you just have room for improvement, as we all do.
I don't think you will push your wife away with that message; you are simply stating what the options are and what you are willing to do. If you are not being an a$$, or rude, or saying things to make her feel guilty, you won't push her away. Interact as if you were in a conference room with a bunch of other businesspeople. You wouldn't insult or be rude to the other person, you would simply state facts, as uncomfortable and unwelcome as they might be to the other party.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Hate jump in notice you guys giving idu good advice was wondering if you guys could look at my stich and offer some addvice Twolf
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
