What to do when their friends suggest leaving?

[Bummedout]

If you read the entire thread, then you should realize I was pretty much having the "Help" forced on me, help I neither asked for nor wanted. And it was done in a rather arrogant and rude manner. I make no apologies for being an ass to asses.

Unfortunately, I have not run off some of the folks I don't want to hear from, and since I suppose I'm the "new kid on the block" not taking their crap makes me look bad to their minions. I don't do the "minion" thing very well, admittedly.

For the record, one of the things my wife was attracted to me for was that I'm a nice guy, but I don't take a lot of crap. This clearly confuses people, moreso in a written format than in "the real world" as it turns out.

Unfortunately, here, a pinhead arrogant antagonist dispensing unwanted advice can just keep going, whereas in "the real world" I could have just grabbed ahold of Coach or Rob and given them an embarrassing nuggie. Oh well.

I could give ya'll an update on my situation, but hey, Coach or Rob would just use it to take another insipid-but-annoying potshot at me. I'm amazed at how clannish many of you are here. These guys are the putzes, and the thread makes it pretty clear. I DIDN'T WANT THEIR INPUT. I DIDN'T WANT THEIR OPINIONS. Particularly in the manner they were doing it.

[robx]

..Unfortunately, here, a pinhead arrogant antagonist dispensing unwanted advice can just keep going, whereas in "the real world" I could have just grabbed a hold of Coach or Rob and given them an embarrassing nuggie. Oh well.

I could give ya'll an update on my situation, but hey, Coach or Rob would just use it to take another insipid-but-annoying potshot at me. I'm amazed at how clannish many of you are here. These guys are the putzes, and the thread makes it pretty clear. I DIDN'T WANT THEIR INPUT. I DIDN'T WANT THEIR OPINIONS. Particularly in the manner they were doing it.

OK we get it, you don't want our advice so why keep harping on this over & over again, why not post an update on your situation and discuss it with those people remaining on your thread.

- you're angry and for the record I prefer wedgies to nuggies LOL!

[Bummedout]

Rob,
If ya "got it" . . . you wouldn't have just posted that. As for me, I'm not big on getting wedgies or nuggies . . . but that's just me.

[robx]

YAWN.....zzzz.....zzzz....

You can carry on with your regularly scheduled program, ie. your thread, any time now

[Bummedout]

I don't need your permission . . . I need you to just stop disrupting my thread for the sake of disruption.

[CityGirl]

Let's say for the sake of argument that every forum member who has had an experience with a friend and WAS has contributed to your thread. There is no more to share. Then what?

I feel that opening up other channels of your situation can be beneficial. And who knows, it may give you a new angle to address the friend situation although I feel that topic has been exhausted and it's time to focus on something else.

Everybody is welcome to throw in their 2 cents and in return, many people read and learn or get new ideas to apply to their own life.

You have been married before. You said yourself you never really examined the failure of your fist marriage in depth. IMO you should be doing that now for YOU (and it's never too late) but it could benefit other forum members as well.

There is so much precious time and space wasted on this thread with pettiness. If your goal is to rebuild your marriage then why not at least open yourself up to every idea. You do sound very angry and it's hard to understand why. As I said before, the organic nature of this forum is to open up all "parts" of the R two spouses share. Stating you only care to examine one part is sort of limiting IMO.

While it is never easy, sometimes people can see things about us that we can't see. If it could result in a new marriage with your current W then why not at least take some of the observations under consideration?

[idontunderstand]

I don't want to get involved in the pettiness here. You have posted a few times on my thread and have been good natured and thoughtful. I appreciate it.

While it is never easy, sometimes people can see things about us that we can't see. If it could result in a new marriage with your current W then why not at least take some of the observations under consideration?

The circumstances that we are in force us to really look at ourselves, maybe for the first time in our lives. Sometimes what we see isn't very pretty. We could all stand to improve our lives somewhere. While I am still fairly new here, most people who so post are legitimately trying to help. There is some sarcasm and jabs from time to time, but we need to keep a sense of humor about things. We don't have to agree all the time.

Again, thanks for your posts and I hope you get the info that you are looking for.

[Bummedout]

Let's say for the sake of argument that every forum member who has had an experience with a friend and WAS has contributed to your thread. There is no more to share. Then what?

Well I should point out again that my Wife hasn't walked away yet. It also is beginning to appear less likely she will, though only time will tell. Some positive developments since my last update, but frankly, I'm getting tired of them being used as denigrating fodder by a few of the guru-wannabe pinheads here. (NOT talking about you CG, even though I think you might feel I'm a pinhead . . . I'm not, by the way)

I feel that opening up other channels of your situation can be beneficial.

That may be CG, but it seems a lost concept here that what I choose to open up about and when is my choice. And actually, I have done just that a few times . . . and gotten lambasted for it by sanctimonious, half-wit pinheads like Coach and RobX.

And who knows, it may give you a new angle to address the friend situation although I feel that topic has been exhausted and it's time to focus on something else.

Actually, that topic didn't even get the surface scratched. My "update" is rather positive on that note actually, but Frankly, I don't feel like having my success there torn apart by a few people who would take a hit on their egos. Suffice it to say, My "Intuition" wasn't as off base as folks declared it would be. If you want more CG, P.M. me and I'll tell you privately. But I'll be damned if I'll talk about it here after all this unwarranted, off-base, sanctimonious, unsolicited crap on the part of a few here because I didn't subordinate myself to their Godlike knowledge and judgment.
(Yes, "angry" would be a relevant assessment here)

Everybody is welcome to throw in their 2 cents and in return, many people read and learn or get new ideas to apply to their own life.

No, some people aren't welcome to. They may be entitled to, but there is a HUGE difference. If I'm offering advice to someone, advice that clearly isn't welcome, I just back off. I don't antagonize, cajole, ridicule and belittle them, then cry FOUL!" if they return in kind.

You have been married before. You said yourself you never really examined the failure of your fist marriage in depth.

No I didn't. What I said was that I didn't examine the role her talking to her friends about me played in debth. Again, a huge difference there.

IMO you should be doing that now for YOU (and it's never too late) but it could benefit other forum members as well.

I am. I have been. Unfortunately, pinheads like Coach and RobX keep interfering in their egotistical effort to "beat me" into subordinating myself to them, or getting their minions to ostracize me. I can live with that, actually.

Again, I seem to be doing pretty well so far, in spite of some of the 'help' here, not 'because' of it, ironically enough. You City Girl have been a little helpful, though Frankly, I think you might have a similar mindset to Coach and Rob, you just aren't as D-headed about it.

There is so much precious time and space wasted on this thread with pettiness.

Yea, a few of ya'll need to stop that.

If your goal is to rebuild your marriage then why not at least open yourself up to every idea.

Because I've perused past threads. Particularly the longer running ones, and watched a few people who are rather trusted around here give some very bad advice that panned out rather badly as time went by and people forget about the previous bad advice.

You do sound very angry and it's hard to understand why.

Oh reallly, heheh.

As I said before, the organic nature of this forum is to open up all "parts" of the R two spouses share. Stating you only care to examine one part is sort of limiting IMO.

Funny . . .that wasn't an issue 10 years ago here. I don't want to open all parts. If this place is so "organic" my not wanting to 'tell all' shouldn't even be an issue, it should be accepted. Not only isn't it accepted, ya'll pretty much ambush anyone who doesn't want to "open all" and ridicule and abuse anyone who dares not cooperate or has the audacity to tell ya "that's none of your business".

So . . .in my mind, all the more reason to "be limiting" in what I want to talk about around here.

While it is never easy, sometimes people can see things about us that we can't see.

Exactly. Ya'll seem blind to the fact many of you are sanctimonious, rude, arrogant, know-it-all, twits who resent anyone who won't open all to you. But it's actually pretty easy to see.

If it could result in a new marriage with your current W then why not at least take some of the observations under consideration?

Because too many of you are oblivious to the reality that I wasn't the problem here, your arrogant demands, rudely judgmental character assessments and wildly off base situational interpretations tells me that any advice from folks like that is dubious, at best, and should be examined with extreme caution.

No doubt this isn't what ya'll wanted to hear. Too bad. That offer is a sincere one CG. If you want to know more, P.M. me, and I'll trust you to NOT blab it over the place here.

While you have me pegged totally wrong and you seem blind to cold reality that my alleged "offensiveness" is actually just a solid defense, at least I think you really are somewhat sincere, and not just spouting advice to feed your own ego.
If not, no big deal. I know what I'm up to, and that's good enough for me. I'll probably blow this Popsicle stand soon anyway. Won't that be a happy day for everyone here!

[twolf]

Hate to butt in just been fowlling your stich.Dont get me wrong please and im sorry before hand if what i say offends in any way.


When you disagree with yor wife do you let things drop when you feel that you are right or do you allways keep pushing the issue.


Im only asking because this was one of my 180 that ive worked on and gotten possitive results for me this something that i had to change IN my hummble opionion TWOL

[Bummedout]

I don't want to get involved in the pettiness here. You have posted a few times on my thread and have been good natured and thoughtful. I appreciate it.

The circumstances that we are in force us to really look at ourselves, maybe for the first time in our lives. Sometimes what we see isn't very pretty. We could all stand to improve our lives somewhere. While I am still fairly new here, most people who so post are legitimately trying to help. There is some sarcasm and jabs from time to time, but we need to keep a sense of humor about things. We don't have to agree all the time.

Again, thanks for your posts and I hope you get the info that you are looking for.

Yes, but I've already lived this type of thing through once before, and it all played out here on these boards a decade ago. So unlike most here, I've been aware of many of Micheles views, techniques, etc. how they applied to me, where I screwed up and where I didn't, etc. Fortunately, I'm very aware that I'm by no means an expert, and that realization actually moves me onto "a higher plane' than some of the folks ripping on me. See . . .they DON'T realize they aren't experts . . .and that makes them kinda hit or miss at best, and downright dangerous to a relationship at worst.

Frankly, I'm doing a surprisingly decent job at turning around my present crisis, and I probably have the benefit of the mistakes I made last time around, combined with what I learned from Michele and the less antagonistic people who were here a decade ago before "the egos" of a few ran amuck.

I'm actually quite grateful to Michelle and some former members here who were much more understanding and sympathetic if someone (me) got a little testy. I owe them a thank you. Now: Dare snap at one of the self-proclaimed guru's . . and there is HELL to pay. It's pathetic, really.

That past help and support I feel has really helped me to begin nipping this relationship problem in the bud, rather quickly. It isn't over yet, but things are getting better, noticeably better.

I suppose it's like a flood: The first time it happens to ya, all sorts of things go wrong, and keep going wrong. But . . .the next flood . . .you will do a much better job at handling the situation and can get back to normal more quickly and more efficiently. Time will tell . . .but in the meantime, this board has degenerated into a personal puppetshow for a few sanctimonious puppeteers and any "rogue puppets" are severely dealt with. Be careful Idounderstand. And I hope you pull through it.