Jack--real proof? Not really. I just remember how he's acted the previous times he's been using.
The worst time, I hadn't even known. He really was that good. He came to me almost four years ago and admitted he had an addiction. he'd been so afraid that he'd lose us. Thing is, it never crossed my mind to leave him. My first thought was to help him through outpatient rehab.
Of course now I read that & see, "...fix him."
Hmmm...
H grew up in a very lax home and as an ADD without meds. ADD kids (teens and adults) have a tendency to self medicate. Which is what H did all the way through high school & most of his 20s. It's not an excuse, it's the only way he's known how to cope with his problems.
I don't have physical proof, other than the history he's been repeating for 25 years.
He swears he's not. I have no way of proving he is, so for now I guess I can only take his word for it.
eta--my main goal isn't to *prove* that he's doing anything. I just know (from experience) that unless he is clean, nothing will ever work. Not for him, not for us. I don't want to be right, I REALLY don't want to be right. I just want to make sure I have all the pieces of the puzzle. And right now my gut is telling me he's not being honest. Unless there is real proof, I can only trust him.
Last edited by shelbel; 05/12/1005:33 PM.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
