I knit. And crochet. And read. Other than that, I don't remember. It's been so long since I've done anything for myself. I love to cook & garden, although I'm not very good at it. I have been writing a column for our local paper & would like to start doing some free lance work. So far I've not managed much writing. Except here & my journal.
There are a number of things I need to work on...
~Like being too independent. There is a difference between being a self-sufficient, confident woman and acting like Xena, Warrior Princess. I took it to an extreme, and boy was I proud of myself. I realized a few years ago how much that *probably* hurt & tried to change. By that point H saw it as condescending. I didn't realize the full extent of that hurt until recently. So...being strong without being a b!tch. That's a goal.
~I am controlling, I will admit it. I think part of that is from being completely under someone else's control. I have to know every last detail of what is going on in my life. I micromanage my life. Heck, I'm that nut who starts Christmas shopping in March. I just have to be three steps ahead in ever aspect. Another big problem when dealing with a MLCer. I need to let go & just roll with the punches.
~I have a temper. Probably for the same reasons. And a razor tongue to go with it. The closer I am to a person, the more damage I can inflict. I am in no way proud of that. My muzzle is usually on tight. I'm working on not needing my internal filters on overdrive because I'm trying to turn the "b!tch switch " off in my brain.
~Believe it or not, I am far too tender hearted. It's there, under that hardened shell. I hate it when it is exposed. Like now. lol I don't know that it's really a problem, though. Maybe in the respect that I tend to get overly involved in other people's problems.
I'm sure there are more, this is exhausting. And first things first, right?
So my work order for me is
~Be strong without be abrasive. ~Not try to control things I have no control over, and have no business trying to control ~Not just not say mean things, but don't think them either. Give people the benefit of the doubt more. ~Stop becoming overly involved in someone else's problem.
All of this just goes straight back to the *detach* article on Livestrong (see...I really was reading!)
So my first lesson--detach, defuse & just breathe.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
