"I would say a LOT of men I have "tested" (it is like a little hobby of mine now.lol) are combinations, not just one."
I would disagree with that. Maybe we can discuss it one day.
Maybe you will change my mind.. LOL.
"I'll try not to focus solely on the LL. but it definitely opened my eyes to our stitch and how i got to where we are today."
This is a good step. Just don't go overboard with it. Concentrate on understanding you.. and what is important to you. Leave the mind reading and guessing until later down the road. Can't stress this enough.
"but i really didn't need those things. i pride myself on being able to make my own $$ and buy my own things. i spend conservatively and i'm aware of what i need vs. nice to have things."
"i feel bad for h because many times he'd ask me what i wanted for my birthday and i couldn't come up with anything. it wasn't because i wanted him to think about something sincere to give me. most of the time, all i wanted was a card with a love letter written inside. spending time reading that card is like a form of quality time for me. it's as if he's right there telling me that he loved me. i still go back to those cards and i read about how much he loved me."
I understand that you did not need those things. I doubt very seriously that you are a "gold digger". Again.. you have pointed out the fact that his "family" lavished him. That little bit of uncertainty that you had could have been read by him in so many ways. I won't even think about listing them all. If you "create" doubt in a situation.. even if it was not your intention.. you allow the other person to infer "something". Never fails.. people do the "wrong" thing.
In your mind.. asking for that card you really wanted.. took a little bit away from the "gift". In his mind.. he was going with what had worked. Think back to how you reacted when you were dating to the nice gift he got you. How did you react differently years down the road?
"that is where i really need to do a 180. he knows when i have this snide look on my face. often he says "you're giving me that look"."
You will be surprised at what a WAS can "see". The bad stuff they can really "see".. cause it is what they are looking for.
This is why it is important to break away from the mold they have of you. Smiling goes a long way to helping that.. even if it is fake at first.
"the reason why i attack that way is because when you make bold statements like "we have to move on" or "my parents are starting to question my decision to marry you" .. i will use your words against you."
But.. do you really think that this is a malicious attack on you.. and who you are? Do you really think your H woke up one morning and said you know what.. she has made my life hel1.. now I am gonna return the favor? "This" is a result of poor decisions.. and lots of mind reading.. on both of your parts. You got here together.. but it just takes one to direct where you go from here. If you wanna keep living the life you were.. keep on like you are. It will get worse.. and worse. Or you change yourself and understand that this is not an "attack".. but the result of lots of "Emotion". Maybe you save the M.. maybe you don't. The turn around to get you started is to get your mind straight. Stop acting out.. and use your mind. Start small.. build on that.
"i'm really bad at setting boundaries. i turn true b*tch instead."
It is fine to be B*tchy.. some find it attractive. Too much of a good thing.. well that sucks! It is fine that you suck at setting boundaries.. gives you lots of room to improve! Still would like you to answer those questions I asked a few posts back.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
