6 MONTHS IN AND FEELING A WOBBLE........

[Mila]

Is how I am feeling normal?

Yes...I have great days, good days...bad days. Never know which one will be next. But I'm having less and less of the bad ones.

BTW we are on about the same time-line. My bomb exploded in September 09 as well.

Hang in there lalxx

[lalxx]

Thanks Mila,
When i read your thread I noticed we had similiar dates - thank you for your comments - I felt like i ahd been hit by a train yesterday, really overwhelmed.

The other challenge which ahs emerged for me is our joint friends....a couple are starting to have expectations around me moving on/meeting someone new/divorcing him etc etc and I have been awake a lot of the night with this running around my head. How are you handling this type of situation?

Thanks again - I hope your day is fabulous one!

lalxx

[seeking answers]

Hi lalxx,
I have to say out of the people I know there isn't one friend in RL who understands what H is going through or my choice to stand for our marriage. They believe I'm just having trouble letting go.

Whenever friends mention dating or wanting to 'fix me up', I just tell them I'm not ready yet. At some point I may be, but only I'll know when that is.

What I tell myself is that before this happened to me if someone had come to me telling me their spouse was acting in this manner I would have said, you're better off without them or why would you want someone that doesn't want you?

One lesson I've learned from this is that MLC is a real mental dis ease that takes the person you've known and loved for years and turns them into a completely different and sometimes not so nice stranger.

Just remember that friends have no idea what you're really dealing with and couldn't unless it happened to them or a loved one. They aren't walking in your shoes.

I hope you have a great day!

(((Hugs)))

[lalxx]

Hello all,
I have come home to an e-mail from my husband - a cold hard e-mail in which he outlines my choices to me. Unless I take up his offer to divorce him on the grounds of his adultery or unreasonable behaviour by 10am on Monday he will start proceedings against me to divorce me on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour.

After he left last year we talked through remaining seperated and then 'knowing when the time was right to divorce'

I feel absolutley floored by this e-mail - he sent me an e-mail on March 23rd telling to expect a letter after Easter, the solicitors letter arrived at the end of April, I have had a weekend of hideous e-mails from him a couple of weeks ago - spewing rewritten history and telling me to get real that we were divorcing etc etc etc. I ignored the solicitors letter and his e-mails but told him that I didn't want a divorce during one telephone conversation we had.

I cannot understand why he wants to accelerate a divorce - my guess is that it's mainly financial as he is still livings way beyond his means and has his eyes on the equity in our home.

I simply cannot afford a solicitor at the moment - every penny I have goes on maintaining the children and their home currently.

I feel sick at the moment but plan on taking a bit of time before deciding what to do next.

I don't plan on talking to him about the e-mail and I don't plan on stopping being in NC or GAL!

Any ideas from anyone?

lalxx

[Marked&Healed]

Can you get any legal help at all? From a standers POV, it's best to say "I don't agree with this D" and change the subject... from a legal POV, that may be entirely different. I think you need legal advice ASAP. Out in my area, I can delay for up to 2 years, but it will cost me.

[lalxx]

Thank you M&H - I know I need legal advice and I have made some steps towards this today - he has used the most expensive solicitor's practice in our City - which means he trying to send the message to me that he means business.

The main motivation for him (he e-mailed me) is financial and wanting to get on with his life. I think he is still uncomfy with it as he has 'encouraged' me to divorce him on the grounds of his adultery and he has also veiled threats of washing our dirty linen in public. I suppose my simple position is that if he wants a divorce he can divorce me (on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour)and I'll do what I have to do to protect my 2 children from the fallout - emotional and fiscal.

This whole thing is a real marathon of endurance isn't it? I'm still continuing to detach and will take time to respond thoughtfully and with dignity.

here's hoping for a great day for everyone

lalxx

[seeking answers]

lalxx, since your H has initiated D proceedings is it possible to have him be responsible for your attorney fees? I know that is a possibility in the US.

[lalxx]

hello SA,
My husband has offered to pay the costs of the divorce awhich will be around £1500 or so but not the cost of any legal advice I get.
I am ineligible for any support from the state. My suggestion had always been to separate fro 2 years and then we could divorce with no fault and if we did it ourselves nice and sensibly it would cost £210 or so - my husband's dire financial situation means that he cannot afford to wait that long.
Houses aren't selling that quickly over here and I could easily see that it'll be a year of the status quo trying to sell the house (we also have a plot of land wwe re trying to get planning permission on which will take months to sort....).

So even with a fair wind and all the planets aligned we are looking at around a year to get our financial situation clear and a way forward agreed - his head is firmly where the sun doesn't shine I am afraid......

lalxx

[seeking answers]

(((lalxx))) I wish I had that illusive magic wand.

[lalxx]

Thank you SA! (()) right back at you!

I am feeling ok to be honest - I think I have mulled this whole thing over and over in my mind for so longa nd written it in my Journal and done the Pro's Vs Cons list that it's been easier to handle (still hurtful but not so raw!)

I have had a really uplifting afternoon (judging a Dragons Den type competition at our University's Business School) and a visit to my parents for tea (where I saw my fabulous nephew) lifted my spirits enormously!

I hope all is well with you

lalxx