As I thought, getting on and writing that out helped me so much!
I ended up sucking it up and enjoying the rest of my day. H came back with gifts "from the kids" I was peeved at the timeliness, but whatever. my MIL is in town and is so disguted with his behavior that she let him have it. Although I told her not to. but whatever.. Anyways.. we had been invited to his uncle's for a MD party so I decided to go anyway.
He and I did speak on the phone prior and apparently he had been upset with me over a comment I made to him the previous night (stupid me had a few drinks.. DUMB I know.. Had I been sober (I wasn't drunk BTW), I would have bitten my tongue. I made a comment about him being cool guy. It was really stupid but it ticked him off..
Only his mother, sister that were there know of our sitch and would you know it that his aunt brought family DVDs with pictures and video montages on it. Of course, we were on it.. our dating years, parties at our house, when we had our first baby, our wedding, rehearsal dinner, vacations, etc. I shed a few tears. (so was everyone else because there were also pics of a few recently deceased family members) I caught him looking at me with this sort of smile on his face or whatever.. Later on that night he did say that he missed those days and that they were the good old days...
I have done alot of thinking and my H has always been sarcastic, a ballbuster, and cocky.. and I think that I'm taking things too personal. Because of my insecurities, I internalize and take everything personal. I think that's my problem. of course, it's normal to feel that way.. I understand that.. But before all of this happened between us, I feel as though I had more of a sense of humor.. now, it's like I take it to heart...
hmmmmm
hugs to all!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
As I thought, getting on and writing that out helped me so much!
I have taken some time away from here to try to work on things by myself. While we do have to do our own work, this is the place to come and vent. And you're right, it does help!
Sorry you had a rough Mother's Day. You did the right thing by spending time with your kids. After all, it's Mother's Day not Wife's day, right! I spent the morning with my kids and when my W got home and told me what her plans were, I didn't wait to be included or not. I told her where I was going and told her to tell her family hi for me. I gave the kids a kiss and told them it was mother's day when they asked me why I wasn't coming. I had to go see my mom, I told them, there just isn't enough time to go everywhere.
Anyway, it sounds like you recovered quickly and are doing okay. The down times don't last as long as they used to, do they? That is a good thing!
Take care of yourself and your kids and be strong and patient.
Anyway, it sounds like you recovered quickly and are doing okay. The down times don't last as long as they used to, do they? That is a good thing!
OMG, yes! They totally don't last the same time at all..
I find myself getting better quicker.. but I also find my H more receptive NOW than before. I just need to calm that inner fear and work on my insecurity issues.. ugh.
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Rats! I've logged on and off three times now trying to read your latest posts - not alot of privacy this evening! I don't have long... just wanted to say hello and send you my support! Will check in tomorrow bye!!!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I find myself getting better quicker.. but I also find my H more receptive NOW than before. I just need to calm that inner fear and work on my insecurity issues.. ugh.
Yes I totally get that too. It's hard to focus on everything that needs to be attended to isn't it. I find that for a few days I'm working on one thing, then all of the sudden I realize I'm neglecting another, then hurry 'over' to that issue and attend to that. Hard to keep everything in balance at the same time - particularly the GAL vs asserting oneself in the M. Do you find that to be true as well?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Darn it! I should put a bell around my H's neck - I had a reply all typed out to you and he caught me by surprise. Had to shut down Firefox quickly!
Originally Posted By: timehealsall
I have done alot of thinking and my H has always been sarcastic, a ballbuster, and cocky.. and I think that I'm taking things too personal. Because of my insecurities, I internalize and take everything personal.
I would think it would be hard not to internalize and take things personally with that personality type! That's a difficult communication pattern to break between a couple - I struggle with that a lot. But surely there's ways to do it. What does your IC say about that? One of my self esteem books actually talks about the tendency to personalize things... and I think had some good exercise around that but I haven't done them yet. I just can't quite remember the name of it right now but the authors were McKay and Fanning I think, in case you're interested.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
My IC didn't know H before this all happened. So I had to tell her that this is just the way he is. He has ALWAYS been like this. That is how he has always been. It's ironic to say that it was one of the traits I liked about him.. always had a sense of humor..
So I think I need to just not take things personally....
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
Yes, here it is Time, it's called 'Self-Esteem - A proven program of cognitive techniques for assessing, improving and maintaining your self-esteem'. Phew! No wonder I couldn't remember the title! Anyways it's by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning. It's been very helpful and speaks to specific 'cognitive distortions' like overgeneralizing, filtering, labelling, self-blame, personalization, mind reading' etc. And has extensive exercises to learn how to identify them when they're happening, figure out why you're using them, and how to overcome them. Hope it helps!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
LOL! Me too! And actually, there's a lot about your description of your H that is eerily close to mine too! What you just said about your H's sense of humor being one of the things that attracted you to him was same in my sitch too!
Anyways I hope you find the book helpful. They've got a workbook to go with it too, but I've been finding just a plain old notepad is sufficient. Take care Time!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Anyways it's by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning. It's been very helpful and speaks to specific 'cognitive distortions' like overgeneralizing, filtering, labelling, self-blame, personalization, mind reading' etc. And has extensive exercises to learn how to identify them when they're happening, figure out why you're using them, and how to overcome them. Hope it helps!