Ummm...no. Again addressed earlier in the thread--I'd been in the newcomers forum the entire time I'd been here & only just realized that this is, in fact, what we are dealing with.
I won't bother with anymore of your quotes because, quite frankly, the snarkiness leaves me unable to read them over again.
Shelbel, don't feel badly about anyone's posts. Some are more forceful than others, I wish the forceful people would post on my thread because I really like it when people are up front and brutally honest with me, it helps me be better that much quicker, you know?
The people posting to you on this thread are some of the best out there, and you'll get very good advice. We know that your ego is bruised and battered, and no one means to step on that.
I for one believe that you may just get away with not following through with the D... but only if he forgets it and there is a chance that he may believe it was just said in anger?
If you don't ever bring it up again, or any of your demands, will he remember? Meaning now, in his MLC fog, will he remember?
My H would not, he'd just forget about it having been said, although the feelings of having been hurt would remain with him.
You will need tougher skin to make it through your husbands MLC. Fukc us, and posting here, we don't matter to the out come you want, but he is going to be horrible, and if you cannot toughen up then you are going to take everything personally.
Nothing like reality smacking you upside the head, huh? lol
I am so tired right now. I am doing my best to hold it altogether and put on a calm, cool, confident face in public. I've not said anything derogatory to anyone, not even my family. All I really want to do is scream into a pillow.
I'll have to watch how many *but*s I put in my posts.
Btw--I think I need to paint the quote in your siggie on my bedroom wall so it's the first thing I see in the morning.
God, I hate this.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
You will be very surprised at how much you can handel once YOU really UNDERSTAND what you are dealing with. This will come in time and as you read, understand and fully accept that this is his issue.
Quote:
Even if this M is over
Wow - so after six months if HE does not DO what YOU want him to do - then your done. Interesting position to take...
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But at some point I need to stop being a doormat.
I would agree. You are not a doormat for anyone.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
One thing I learned is that being a doormat has a LOT to do with how you see yourself and your actions.
If you're making dinner every night and it really ticks you off b/c H never says thank you, and sometimes doesn't even show up to eat with the family, and you face it with anger but keep doing it, you're a doormat.
If you're making dinner every night and H never says thank you, and sometimes doesn't even show up to eat with the family, but you keep smiling (INSIDE and outside) and whistling while you work because you know this is about him and yes, he's a jerk, but that doesn't reflect on you - congratulations, you are NOT a doormat.
Thank you, M&H. It's almost like being in boot camp again. LBS/MLC Boot Camp. (That might make a good sticky--the best of the "Snap out of it!" posts.)
I don't know if he will remember. He was so angry at me that he had a hard time remembering them at the end of the coversation when he said he would do three of the four--if nothing more than to prove me wrong. He even asked what I'd do when everyone determined there was nothing wrong with him. I told him, "...then I guess I have a helluva lot more of my crap to work on then, don't I?"
I don't plan on bringing it up again. He's asked me to leave him alone, so I'm going to. I was calling every night at 7pm so the kids could talk to him before bed. I would dial the phone, hand it to one of them, and go into a different room. I didn't want him to think that I was doing it so I could have some access to him. It was all about the kids. I only talked to him if he asked to speak to me, and that wasn't often.
So for now I've gone dark.
I really do just want to fix me. I don't ever want to go through this again.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
One thing I learned is that being a doormat has a LOT to do with how you see yourself and your actions.
If you're making dinner every night and it really ticks you off b/c H never says thank you, and sometimes doesn't even show up to eat with the family, and you face it with anger but keep doing it, you're a doormat.
If you're making dinner every night and H never says thank you, and sometimes doesn't even show up to eat with the family, but you keep smiling (INSIDE and outside) and whistling while you work because you know this is about him and yes, he's a jerk, but that doesn't reflect on you - congratulations, you are NOT a doormat.
Appologize if I came accross a little tough...As others have pointed out the six month thing really stood out. FTR - Jack was being gentle ..you should seen his exchanges with me (thanks Jack). On a serious note, take the time to read up on info that OP provided. Focus a lot on the detachment section - this is going to be key. Know that YOU will make it dear...you will make it. Take it slow and remember it's not over until YOU say it is. Remember this...you know what I mean at some point.
Hey Mach...do you know who that Boat guys was that posted to me?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You will be very surprised at how much you can handel once YOU really UNDERSTAND what you are dealing with. This will come in time and as you read, understand and fully accept that this is his issue.
I pray that this happens, soon.
M&H, that is a really very interesting way of looking at it. I hadn't thought of that. It comes a little late for me when personally interacting with him (since he's asked that there be none), but not too late when it comes to the rest of my Rs IRL.
I can handle the drunk/stoned/mentally ill patients that we get in, even when they are being hateful because I *know* they don't mean it. They mean it, but they don't really mean it about me. It is the reality that they are experiencing, but it doesn't mean I have to live it with them. Whoever made the comment about what if H was in a coma made a good point.
Of course, using that same analogy, would I have recognized that he was actually in a coma and not just pretending to be sleeping so he could ignore me??
It sounds stupid because it is stupid. But that's exactly the way I was thinking about H. He's in a MLC, but I acted like he was just choosing to be a jerk for a very long time.
And THAT is why I feel stupid. And wrong. And sick to my stomach.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
..you should seen his exchanges with me (thanks Jack). On a serious note, take the time to read up on info that OP provided. Focus a lot on the detachment section - this is going to be key. Know that YOU will make it dear...you will make it. Take it slow and remember it's not over until YOU say it is. Remember this...you know what I mean at some point.