I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Shel,

You read far too mcuh 'snark' into Machs reply.

If he was actually hitting you with being a dick...you'd REALLY know that.

You are an LBS your Husband might be an MLC and if you are unable to deal with a little (miscommunicated) snarkiness then this is not going to easy for you.

Cowgirl up, toughen up, thicker skin.

No one here is trying to make you feel bad, what would the point in that be?

[beingreal]

And just in case you missed the first four times I wrote it...

I said six months and had that conversation BEFORE I realized what was going on.

Before. Hence, the "what the hell do I do now?" question.

So if you can put aside the fact that I apparently get under your skin...what the hell DO I do now?

I'd really appreciate something that isn't in the form of a slam. I'm beating myself up enough, thank you very much.

[figgeroni]

I am going to be the voice of disagreement here

if your husband is drinking and doing drugs
I don't think a time line is a horrendous thing

maybe giving yourself the timelinei nstead of laying it out there might have been good but it is out there already

so

you have six months to work on yourself
to find out what about you stays with an abussive drug user and why
to find out what kind of example you are willing to set for your children

when there is abuse, drug use etc, a timeline isn't controlling or bad
a timeline is safety
a timeline is a touchstone

I had a timeline when i was in an abussive relationship
it was my timeline to safety, when my boys and I would get out

no one's abuse is your fault
that is there dealio
no one's drug usage is your fault

you have these 6 months now to work on yourself

if you decide to ammend the timeline at that point...you can
son't worry about it now

[LauraOh]

Shel, don't... they mean well, they really do.

I have found that the long threads that some of the women write are NOT followed well--they get mad at the guys and the guys stop following.

But the guys have SO much to offer--they pick up how to do this QUICK. They won't hold your hand and say "there there dear". They WILL challenge you and if you follow them, they will quickly assess what you need to do.

I am too wordy on my thread to get them to follow.lol. But I read them and absorb them and LOVE their directness.

[beingreal]

Shel,

You read far too mcuh 'snark' into Machs reply.

If he was actually hitting you with being a dick...you'd REALLY know that.

You are an LBS your Husband might be an MLC and if you are unable to deal with a little (miscommunicated) snarkiness then this is not going to easy for you.

Cowgirl up, toughen up, thicker skin.

No one here is trying to make you feel bad, what would the point in that be?

Thank you, Jack. I honestly have no idea. I feel like I've stepped into a parallel universe.

Please accept my apologies for an offense you may have taken to my responses. It's been such an emotional few weks that I don't even know how to react anymore.

[D Money]

Your responses show that you have you fight. And that is good because you're going to need it.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Shel,

IT is IN the title of your thread.

And the "but" was in reference to this:

But at some point I need to stop being a doormat. For H, I think the *six month* part tells him I'm serious.

NOT:

but although I *know* that, I still feel like he'd be happier if I'd done something differently. I really need to keep working on that.

Jumping to conclussions...

How is that working out for you?

You will need tougher skin to make it through your husbands MLC. Fukc us, and posting here, we don't matter to the out come you want, but he is going to be horrible, and if you cannot toughen up then you are going to take everything personally.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Please accept mine for the cross posting.

That is the problem with (mine as well) firing off a response quickly.

My snarkiness was in the "jumping to conclusions and working out for you" and I AM sorry.

There are a lot of very good people here Shel, if you can read something two ways..try taking it the way that isn't mean.

We are big on personal growth here.

[D Money]

And don't worry Shel. They were hard on me when I first got here too. I turned out alright.

[beingreal]

Thank you Figger & Laura. I do appreciate it. I really did make the timeline as an out for me. I didn't realize that doing that was the wrong thing to do. At least you can understand what was in my head when I did it.

I don't want to be coddled. I think the tone came across, to me, in a way it was not meant. I've been on my own for so long (emotionally) that I wouldn't know what to do with hand-holding right now.

h has the "Love & Respect" book. What he (conveyed) that he got out of it was that I didn't respect him & he couldn't love me until I did. But I will get it out & put it on the list of required reading.

Thank you.