i feel like i completely ruined my marriage

[angierenee]

i am feeling really bad today. Last night I couldnt sleep all I could think about is how I ruined my marriage. I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life. I push everyone away and now I have pushed the last person in my life away...my husband. I am not sure our relationship is worth pursuing at this point.

I have been with my husband for ten years and married for six. Around the fourth year we broke up and during the break up period we continued to have sex, and i got pregnant. I promise with all of my heart i didnt get pregnant on purpose. It just happened. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. But when I moved back home, I discovered his profile was on different dating and sex sites, which made me really upset. Im thinking if he really loved me why would he put his profile up. I wanted to make sure that the profiles were made during our breakup or when we were together, so I hacked into his accounts and found they were made after we got back together. I became an emotional rollercoaster, Nothing changed and nothing got better, I kept catching him in lies and talking to other women. I never found him in bed with anyone else, and he swears he never had an affair but it is hard to believe him because he lied to me so many other times.
My insecurity has escalated to the point that I dont even feel comfortable going out with him because I feel so ugly and I feel like he doesnt like to be around me. I always get on his case about liking other girls and you know the routine. I have bad panic attacks when he doesnt come home and he stays out late.
I feel very lost and confused and scared of the future. He doesnt want to be with me and im not sure I want to be with him, but part of me does want to make things work for our daughter.
Is our relationship too negative, are we fooling ourselves...My insecurities are pushing him away by the things I say... He should be with someone better, I am not pretty, and I feel now that is what he has done. I feel guilty that I couldnt be a better wife and trust him. We have spent 6 years going through the same stuff.
I dont know if I should give up and move on. If our marriage is even worth saving. i cant afford to have counseling sessions... I bought the divorce busting book but it hasnt arrived yet. i need some sound advice to help me get through my day. I am really struggling right now.