I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

journaling. I guess this will be my new thread since the other thread is locked.

Well I talked to mutual friend last night. We both apologized for things that were said and done. Big misunderstanding as well as both of us having been friends too long.

I had called mutual friend earlier and she stated I was pretty much out of it. That I was ranting and raving (not shouting though) and pretty much "not there." She said she told me to find something to eat with juice and I told her I'd eat a popsicle.

Then I ended up having a seizure and passing out. I woke a little later and felt groggy and sluggish with a major major headache.

So fast forward to me talking to mutual friend later that night. I explained to her how her talking to WAW about her situation with her FIANCE' (they are having issues) indirectly caused problems in my M because WAW tried to compare and took bits and pieces of conversations and applied it to me and her. Mutual friend apologized and said that was never her intent. We had a long long talk about everything. It seems that WAW has not been being honest again.

Mutual friend also told me that I was really acting weird earlier and she was so concerned that she called WAW after she got off the phone with me earlier that day because she was concerned about me and my diabetes and my health. She does not reside in our state.

She stated that she informed WAW about my behaviour and how weird it was and how I sounded like I was drugged up with slurred speech and it reminded her of her grandmother who also has diabetes and would act the same way. WAW stated to her "oh he's probably just having a seizure."

Now lets look at that comment. Im just having a seizure. No text or call to make sure your H is ok. No signs of concern. No phone call to any of my family members especially knowing that they work and I’m the only one here. Not a single thing. That hurts like hell but what can I do? Obviously she does not care about me anymore. This woman has seen me in the hospital because of this and you don’t even check to see if I’m alright. *sighs*

Back to conversation. So mutual friend tells me how WAW is happy because she got to get her antidepressants and get help. But mind you she’s “so mad” at me because I had her go there. How I set her up and all this other stuff.

I tell mutual friend everything. She tells me things about her sitch and she begins to realize the similarities she thought were there are not there. She states she’s going to email WAW and tell her how she really feels about her behavior towards me. Don’t know if it will have an affect. She tells me how WAW is over her mother’s house. She states that she thinks WAW is acting the way she is due to her meds as well because the behavior I explained about her and about me (she understands diabetes totally and why I acted the way I did a lot and said she will tell WAW) and she said that it’s not right. All of a sudden it’s like she seems to understand what I’ve been telling her about everything. She apologizes and so do I.

It really freaking hurts to know that someone attempted to tell WAW I was very sick and she didn’t even contact me to find out if I was ok. I guess there’s nothing for me to do but move on. I would never ever ever let that happen to her. Even throughout our separation I have been there for her whenever she’s needed me. It hurts but maybe there’s no love there anymore. I don’t know.

I need to lay down. I don’t feel all that hot. The room is spinning a little and I feel like I’m about to puke or have another seizure this morning. I’ll have to figure out how to deal with this stuff on my own.