WAW still around, DBing starting to work

[flowmom]

GW, you're definitely on the roller coaster! It sounds like she's confused at this point. IMO, continuing to not pursue in any way is super important. And the detachment that you have achieved is so helpful.

About MCs...I highly recommend doing an individual session by yourself with the MC without discussing with your W to check them out. Even that is no guarantee unfortunately.

When I went into MC I felt that H's depression was the main problem in our M. I found out after many sessions that the MC had the attitude that he had to acknowledge and seek help for depression himself and that she "didn't feel comfortable" diagnosing it, etc. Whatever! I'm sorry but it's not rocket science to figure out if someone is depressed when they're at the point where H was. Also, she shared H's mistrust as antidepressants, which I understand but I've learned the hard way that depression can be a very tough nut to crack.

It's also good to ask about how they would deal with an apparent impasse. My MC kept saying things like "we're at an impasse, how can I support you?". She wanted H to shift and he wasn't but her way of dealing with that added to the sense of hopelessness about our M problems...not solution-oriented at all.

My friend went to a MC who had a personal endorsement from MWD, but the MC turned out to be a wing nut. It can be really hard to tell. And Gardener recently posted about his horror story experience.

If I was looking for a MC I'd look for a Gottman-trained C. The Gottman stuff is at least research-based, and focuses on do-able strategies rather than digging around in childhood stuff, etc.

People's experiences with Retro seem overall very positive, but if you're on the road to piecing I like the idea of the regularity of having the "container" of MC to effectively process stuff on a weekly basis.

Good luck!!!