I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

Wow--y'all are fast! I hadn't even seen half of the posts here. Thank you so much for responding.

Am I sure I want this to be over? Emphatically...no. I still love him & want to stay married. And then I wonder *why?*. I don't even like him right now--but I love the man I married. I miss that man so very much. I think part of the reason I'm giving him the six months is that I'm consciously having a hard time believing that I want to stay married to a man who treats me this way. Having survived one abusive relationship, I always promised myself that I wouldn't endure another. Now here I am, feeling like I'm making excuses for someone who is going out of his way to hurt me.

By the way...I can hear all those bells going off in your heads right now. lol Yeah, I know I have issues. I've never denied that. In my other thread I addressed some things I'd done that contributed to H's current state. Or at least to the sitch that led him to the starting point.

So honestly...my head says "run", my heart can't say much of anything because it's just shattered. Saying "I think this is over" is just a way of protecting myself.

If I really thought this was over I'd file tomorrow & not bother with links & threads & books & forums.

I'm supposed to be acting "as if", so I'm acting as if I'm smart enough to throw in the towel. Truth is, I'm heartbroken, terrified, and very, very confused.

Hows that for a confession?
(trying to lol, but it's not working)