He has to figure some of this stuff out on his own. You are going to come across as his mother that he wants to rebel against. Once you read the resources, this will make more sense to you. I see a lot of what you want from him, but what do you want for you. What are your goals?
He kept saying that last night, that I had demands, what about his demands for me? I asked him what he thought I needed to work on. "Not being a bitch" is a pretty broad suggestion. Other than that he didn't have any. I'm not sure if he expected me to get angry that he might want something from me, but when I encouraged him to come up with something, he just balked.
And please remember that this was before I was 100% sure he was in MLC. I suspected, but I didn't know. Reading that section in DR & some of the threads here has changed my mind. I think he's in deep.
That convo started yesterday mainly as a W protecting herself from another onslaught of verbal abuse from her H. Before that I'd been full on DBing to the point that H was pissed off that I was "always happy" & he then went out of his way to hurt me more.
I don't get it. The things I listed were all presented in an "I need" manner, not "You will" or "I want you to". In the end he totally and completely holds the power here. i told him that when we started talking, there was a way home, it was up to him to take it.
Of course, knowing what I know now, I'm just going to hope it doesn't backfire. Can't take it back now.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
