I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[beingreal]

Hello all. I've been posting in the newcomers forum, the link to my sitch is in my siggie.

Brief summary--
~M going bad for three years; job loss, bankruptcy, H in college, my working full time, three small children = tons of stress
~MC with little results
~I got DB in 9/09, started GAL shortly thereafter (although I was still at the bottom of my priority list). H noticed, even commented that I had "this happy little life" without him. I told him I'd hoped he'd join me, it only started a fight.
~Continual decline until we had a huge fight & he moved out last month, claims I kicked him out. I don't think it matters, gone is gone.
~Tried to have an open line of communication with him, small talk, had a happy disposition, continue to GAL--all it did was make him angrier.
~Had big R talk yesterday, I gave him the four things I needed to see from him to know that he wanted to make this work, and the timeline in which I needed to see it. In six months I will file for D if he has not cared enough to do the things I need from him. Told him he was welcome to file sooner if he felt he didn't/couldn't work on our M.
~My needs were made known & new boundaries were set.
~We have now gone dark (with each other, I'm still in frequent contact with MIL--she is helping watch the kids)


There is so much more, but that's the Reader's Digest version of it.

I am reading DR right now, skipped right away to the MLC & cried all the way through. It is H to a "T".

I am still trying to understand that this has nothing to do with me, but although I *know* that, I still feel like he'd be happier if I'd done something differently. I really need to keep working on that.


So I'll be posting here for the next six months. Reading, following other's threads, gathering all the info on MLC I can get. I don't think that this M can be saved, but I'm not going to turn into that crazy stbxw. I want to be able to handle this with all the dignity I can muster. For myself & for my kids. And I can only do that if I can at least try to see where he is coming from.

I'll list the books I have to read
~DB (read)
~DR (almost finished)
~5 Love Languages
~The Care & Feeding of Husbands
~This Is Not The Story You Think It Is

Any advice, and I do mean ANY, will be appreciated. Any other books or links that you think I might benefit from, any words of wisdom.

I don't know if h can be saved, I'm trying to save myself now.

Thank you so much. I look forward to learning from you.